hi "ho", it's off to exile i go

dearest mg,

i wished i could've spoken to you last night-- someone very small and verrrry cute did not want to:

a) go to sleep
b) leave

so it took a bit longer than the ten minutes i promised to get back to you. sorry. normally, i'd be crushed at the lack of "ho"-time, but i was too busy swooning over the fact that when i carried my little pudgesicle outside and strapped him in his car seat, he fixed those anime-ready eyes on me and said, "i lubb oo!" with such conviction, i almost fainted.

sorry, i need a moment.

ahhhh, that kid is perfection.

anyway, i'm sorry to read that your day wasn't flawless. that's no good. you want to know about "my agenda" for the day? well, today i have to freak out slightly as i run around unhappily, preparing and packing for the part i hate, leaving home. i have to box all the food mom selflessly sacrificed sleep to make, the goodies she bought me at costco (pista biscotti? TIGI hair crap?? a bright pink lint remover b/c she was disgusted at my beloved black pixies shirt's magnetic attraction to white fuzz???) and whatever else i've managed to discover/purchase/accumulate here in under a week. and i STILL haven't gone to ULTA yet. oy.

i'm trying to make it to the gym at 4ish; my fave kickboxing instructor whom i studied with two years ago is teaching a class that i'd love to catch today. must return rental-dream to enterprise at 6ish. i'm taking the red-eye tonight, so i think i have to be at the airport around 9...

sigh. so much to do.

my heart cracks every time i think of leaving, b/c it means that i am going to be on the other side of this huge country, away from my baby boy. he's just magical. an angel spun from pure sweetness and light. i'll never get these irreplaceable days of his life back and i'm haunted by that painfully grim reality.

when pudgesicle was an infant, i once gazed down at the top of his curly head, as it rested on my sternum, thanks to that ingenious device known as the snuggli/baby bjorn...he was kicking his obscenely chubby little legs with such determination, i thought, "surely his father was actually a frog". i also thought the pure adoration i felt at that moment in the middle of costco was combustible, that no love from my heart could ever be so perfect. i blurted out, "if i never have kids, that's totally fine, b/c this is enough."

i was right. he's more than enough.

and despite that unbreakable truth, i have to go.

Comments

[maisnon]

I'm headed home on the red eye too - quel coincidence!

[A N N A]

then i'll nearly faint again if we're on the SAME ONE.

:+:

by the by, an FYI: for all those who don't already know, "pudgesicle" is the son of my college-era best friend. he's my one and only Godchild. quite predictably, due to all of the above, he owns my heart.

[Sonia]

Hey Anna - I've been reading your diary and I finally decided to post =) I love reading posts about cute little babies! Your Godchild sounds adorable =)

[Theo]

Who is MG? A car?

[Amelie-Freak]

Pudgesicle is absolutely adorable. Looking at your pictures makes me wish I could take one of those home with me. Lucky you and lucky him - to have such a pretty godmother.