A N N A J O H N ' S D I A R Y

one less blank CD...

...in honor of my pop-py, pink, sanrio-humping, totally asian, northern california roots.  yeah, i like 92.7; i ain't scared to admit it.  mmmm, yummy disposable vocal trance. ;)  it's the pefect soundtrack for packing...

september 29

it's been far too long since i was able to update this-- for that, i'm sorry.  i've missed you all, yes, even you.

i am so tired.

the move to dupont morgan is only 75% complete and that doesn't even take in to account unpacking.  how long will it be until i'm actually settled in and semi-comfy?  i reel at the possible and probable answers to that...

work is frustrating, a ball o' anxiety which sweeps me up every day, katamari-like as it bounces off to new neighborhoods in chaos city.  i merely cringe, there's nothing else to do.

i'm just grateful that somehow, today, i was able to write a little something for SM.  i've missed being mutinous.

:+:

veena is okay, but something else is definitely not.  the only reason i'm updating/blogging is b/c i'm awake when i normally wouldn't be.  i'm awake b/c i was crying for the last three hours.  i was crying b/c no matter how hard i try, it feels like it's not good enough.  just when i think i can stand up on the surfboard of my life, a wave more brutal than the last knocks me over so fast, i wonder why i ever even bothered trying.  i'm not skilled enough at surfing to survive this water and as many of you know, i do not know how to swim.  prayers, spells and warm fuzzies would be fantast. right about now.  maybe the deity i dig will listen to you, since he sure as hell is pissed at me...

September 16

1am on a Saturday (fine, it's now Sunday morning if you want to be all picky) and I am still at work.  I've been here since about 3 this afternoon, but I did take two rather plush breaks during that ten hour period, so it's been far more bearable than it might sound at first read.  Though I had initially forgotten all about it (and thus needed to rush to the Gap to buy a dress-- thank goodness I had fantastic black shoes at the office), I got to attend a very special party for a very special boy at 8pm.  Spending that time on the waterfront with him left me beatific.  Reliving my GW days by blaring Punjabi MC and Shubha Mudgal while careening down M street in something German with both sunroofs open certainly didn't hurt matters either ("Rangeelo bharo dholllllnaaaaa").

The truth is, I could be here all night and it still would not be enough time to fix all which needs attending to...we have a huge, huge, huge presentation which needs to go flawlessly on Monday and that is why I'll be here tomorrow, too. 

It's all right.  I feel lucky to have this job, to be a part of the group which is our project's linchpin, to work in such a gorgeous location on Connecticut Avenue with such fun (and cute!) people, to be alive.  I know, such a good mood I'm in, right?  There have been moments of arresting kindness which left me floating today; my favorite occurred in the locker room at my new WSC, where I was rushing to get clothes back on my totally out-of-shape but freshly-showered body (why are those towels so TINY?). 

I got in my foundation garments and slipped on my retro new polka-dotted dress when this beautiful girl walked up to me and said, "Woman to woman-- you have an incredible body."  I was so shocked I gracefully blurted out, "WHAT?" and she patiently repeated herself, after which I blushed furiously and stammered that "I haven't worked out in like two years and I was kind of cheating b/c I was just at the gym to shower, not to actually work out and I...oh my gosh, wow that's so nice of you..."  She looked at me sympathetically and walked out, as I smacked my forehead out of loathing.  Why can't I shut up when I'm flustered?  Then I realized that in all that preening self-criticism, I hadn't enjoyed the pure compliment she had lobbed my way.  Priorities reset, I glided out of the gym feeling precious and pretty. 

The only thing which is kind of bothering me right now is that I had reserved the original Mini I zipped about town in from a few weeks ago, and since I'm still here, I'll be quite late in picking that up.  I hope that by the time I pass out in a few hours, I'm not so exhausted that I miss church tomorrow morning, since that's the whole reason I booked the Mini in the first place.

In other news, my decade-long, visceral, legendary hatred of BMW...is over.  That's almost as big as me renouncing vegetarianism, people.  The times, they are DEFINITELY a-changing...

It's Elemental: the playlist

I've become quite the evangelist for ZipCar, despite one horrible Saturday when the untenable state of the Mini I hearted so much nearly ruined the SM meetup by helping me be very late...

I meant to post my "Steal My Cherry" list from this morning's clusterfuck of bad timing which was only made bearable by the fact that I got to pilot "Mini Maraschino" (they all have fun names) while suffering, but it turns out I ended up zipping a second time today.  I was so stressed about work, home and the impending move, I needed to do something soothing for myself--I adore driving so that's what I chose.  I lucked out and nailed a brand new Volvo (make your soccer mom jokes, I don't give a shit).  I was ecstatic as I sailed up Mass Ave...until I realized the XM wasn't installed yet. 

:(

Aside from being able to sample unbearably cute and fun cars, my next favorite thing about ZipCar is the XM radio.  No commercials AND music which could've been selected from MY library?  Bliss.  Alas, downshifting expertly had to be the only thing which put a smile on my face-- good thing I favor manual transmissions, it almost made me forget the injustice of no XM. 

Since I surely would've had a "Velocity of Volvo" playlist, I instead choose to focus on what I CAN control and leave you with this: a set I never posted, from a previous Zippy adventure...and that thing I always say about whatever song coming on at a given time NOT being random at all...um, yeah.

lonely by your side - azzido da bass

sometimes - erasure

world where you live - crowded house

fought the law - clash

heartache - gene loves jezebel

ma + pa - fishbone

i want the one i can't have - the smiths

superman - REM

american english - idlewild

roscoe - midlake

don't give up - chicane

Chingam 10

(this is how I spent my Sunday, at Onam)
{click to enlarge slightly}

September 9

here's how i spent my saturday:

- i woke up and within minutes, experienced major clusterfuckage with my bank over the phone

- ...which resulted in me rushing to the local branch at 11:55 (they close at noon)

- i came back to my apt, drank cold coffee, tried to take several deep breaths, failed

- i went to work.

- i got home right before 10 pm.  on a saturday.

- i felt guilty about being the only one who won't go in tomorrow.

- i checked my work email and realized that monday is going to be, um, challenging.

it's good to be back.  :|

September 6

It's 8:45 am and I'm typing this from JFK in New York.  I had no idea I'd get so lucky with WiFi at airports or I would've made sure my laptop was fully charged (or I would've spent less time futzing around with iTunes, where I created a "red-eye to the right coast"-playlist for the ancient shuffle while waiting for my flight last night).  My aunt is still in the hospital and my sister is dealing with even more bad news, at a time when she can ill-afford the luxury of stress.  The fretful look on my friends' faces as they contemplated another year without a visit haunts me

But.

The way my Mother squeezed my shoulders at the airport last night lingers like a capelet or shawl I am drawing close for the most important sort of warmth.  I can still hear raucous laughter and triple entendre echoing at Viansa.  The cappuccino at Greco is still the best and the men who make it still remember both me and how it is my drink; a year passed when I wasn't a patron but their affection has only increased, contradicting my humble and low expectations.  Angelic little Michael's smile is on the desktop of my mind, beautifying my thoughts with its joyful, gummy sweetness.  It was not for purely wonderful or trivial reasons that I went way out west, but I did manage to layer some happy in with the sad.

I'm a bit out of it, which is to be expected, but I must type that I'm not unhappy, especially since I am nominally in the city I heart most.  If I had to reluctantly return to the coast where my adult life keeps staging itself (with very little input from me about location, location, location I might add), I can't think of a gentler or more symbolic way to re-acclimate to reality. 

September 5

It always comes down to this, doesn't it: I don't really want to go.  After a year away, a week feels meager.  I know I love my life in Washington, but I still feel such a pull back to my family, the gently curving lanes of 80, North Beach and the past.

Seeing my newest baby didn't make things any easier; Michael is pure sweetness, with the arresting blue eyes of his great-grandmothers and the precious face and rosy skin of my oldest, dearest best friend.  He is also exceptionally well-mannered-- while he spit up on both of his parents, all he did was snuggle in to my cashmere sweater/PINK shirt.  He's so tiny, he doesn't quite straighten out when I hold him.  Soon, he'll be so far away that I won't be able to notice such things, and that truth will be hard to accept.

Why isn't there ever enough time in my life for those I love?

Office Hours...

...might be held (one last time!) on Monday...get in touch (via mobile, please) if you want to see your naughty TA. ;)  I'll give you some extra credit or whatever innuendo should go after that visual.  :D  To Greco, minnows, to Greco!

LIVEBLOGGING the SM Meetup! :D

Who's here:  Milli and MP

Milli's "handle" backstory?  Said MP, "Ads would've loved that".

Milli is from Chicago and she hates the weather in SF, much to everyone's astonishment.  She doesn't care-- she likes Chicago during the summer. :)

Some go-carts go by...I'm perplexed until they're explained-- they're for tourists.  "Computer-guided tours!"

Vinod AND Chai AND her little brother are here!  :D

b/c being religious means you won't bang trannies, ever
there are certain things you will do on meth, when...

Chai just got recognized by a person at a random table...what are the odds?

SJM IS HERE!!!

"Chicago has weather-- in SF, it's the SAME FUCKING DAY, every day!"

Uncle 3V with the wise compromise: "Every city has its good and bad."

Anna:  "I HATE Long Beach airport.  WORST AIRPORT IN THE COUNTRY."

Milli:  "One time, when I was drunk, they put me on the wrong flight".

SJM: "See...people from the midwest have great 'drunk' stories."

Milli:  No woman in my family has ever gotten married after 26--
SJM:   Do they kill you after that?

SJM:  I can't compete w/the half-white grandkid...I know mine is going to be hairy for its first 3 years
ANNA:  Just the first three?

Staying with Manish Vij-- "he's Punjabi and so hairy...later we thought there was a yeti sighting.  can you smile or something so we know if you're coming or going?"

just tell us what your suit size is, you want to...
42...but then...it doesn't fit here and...
Would you like me to publish your shoe size while I'm at it?
Yeeeah, my size 11s biatch
actually 13s
yeah...perpetuate THAT myth

not nor-folk, it's norFUCK

indian parents know emotional jujitsu...they have black belts

indian parents are experts at communicating w/o words...via grunts.
my father has a "change the channel"-grunt!

i had a gunrack for my 3-wheeler! i really was a redneck!

the worst thing to ever happen to porn-- HD.  they really should've thought that a little more carefully...or they need to start smearing lenses w/vaseline, or...

who's that macaca on the chandelier???

ANNA + MP: the mission meets the marina

it's only stalking if they're unattractive...it's true.

his discomfort is my pleasure!!

i'm sorry-- i wanted to give you this book on feng shui.
maybe if you had rearranged your furniture you wouldn't have cheated on me!

"mom, what if the consumer price index goes above 2--"
"you pray!"

"you know, ven i was doing my morning prayer--"

On Superstition:

"never open a medicine cabinet after midnight!"

"i can't cut my hair or clip my nails on tuesdays, thursdays or after midnight..."

"i'm NEVER bringing someone i'm interested in to a meetup."

September 1

The house is quiet; my sister is sleeping, up until ten minutes ago, so was I.  I had to stop myself from watching her breathe, I don't want to wake her up via staring.  I'm just glad she's here, I'm here, we're here.

I only have Veena; I know someone via fotolog who lost her only sibling, also a younger sister.  I don't know how she gets up every day, how she can breathe after such a tragic nightmare.  I know I'm not that strong.  I pray that I never have to be.