A N N A J O H N ' S D I A R Y

Oh, the perils of anonymous scrabbling

I've gone on record (on SM, on Friendster, away messages and on Facebook) as being a huh-yoooge Scrabulous fan-- it's addictive and unlike snickers, it satisfies.  While I'm tickled that so many of my friends play, I still can't get enough; yes, I have become insatiable.  There is only one option for me...

One-night Scrabbles.

I resisted the idea, initially.  It seemed so tawdry and dirty.  I thought, "you just click..."join game"...and *play* with a total stranger?  Eeek!"  As stupid as it now reads, it sounded like walking in to a swingers club and that's about the level of fear and aversion I felt towards it.  But then, I grew desperate.

And I clicked.  And I played.  And it wasn't so bad!  I decided that I had been an idiot for feeling the way I had.

Then the game ended, and I went back, cautiously and hopefully, for more.  That's when I saw a "come-on" which confirmed all of my earlier apprehensiveness:

"Gay men only!  If you are a woman, I will DELETE you!" 

Um, okay.  What this told me was that there were probably far more hetero people doing similar.  I hit refresh and lo, there was confirmation. 

"Girls only, if you're not hot, too bad." 

Even better:

"I want girls to talk nasty with me, no chat, no game". 

Eew, eew, eew.

I learned to shrug it off and though I noticed that I tended to only choose other females to play with, I've become far more nonchalant about these pick-up games.  Until today.  Which is when I saw something which I had to record in my diary, because I've meant to write about my weird scrabulous hang-up for a while now, I haven't got around to it, there's no time like the present AND this is so...well, you'll see.

Love, love, LOVE.

I had a HUGE smile on my face by the end of this; you will, too. Thanks D, for sending it my way. :)

Playlist from a lethal Tuesday

remember when, originally uploaded by suitablegirl.

i. Tribe Called Quest- “We Can Get Down” [1993]

ii. The Pharcyde- “Runnin'” [1995]

iii. De La Soul- “Breakadawn“ [1993]

iv. Nas- “Halftime“ [1994]

v. Group Home- “Up Against the Wall (Low Budget Mix)”
[1995]

vi. Black Moon- “How Many Mc's...” [1993]

vii. Raekwon feat. Ghostface Killah, Method Man, &
Cappadonna- “Ice Cream” [1995]

viii. Craig Mack- “That Y'all” [1994]

ix. Wu-Tang Clan- “Da Mystery of Chessboxin’” [1993]

x. Onyx- “Slam” [1993]

xi. Black Moon- “Powerful Impak!” [1993]

xii. Fat Joe- “The Shit Is Real (DJ Premier Remix)” [1995]

xiii. Lords of the Underground- “Chief Rocka” [1993]

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen...good-bye.

Oh, my Pudgie, originally uploaded by suitablegirl.

Note: This was originally on my Fotolog-- but I ran out of space there and wanted to provide an opportunity for people to comment, since that is not enabled on my flog.

Once upon a time--June of 2002, to be pacific—an exhilarated girl procured her first digital camera, because she was going to be a panelist at HOkana (attending THAT event was a first for this thenga, too). While she took some pictures at the conference and at a few events afterwards, she wasn't really feeling it, because *she* was the girl who had a Costco membership JUST for the one-hour photo access. How could someone who always got doubles (sometimes triples!), who loved touching and seeing images without a screen or a battery/AC cord enjoy this sterile version of photography? The impressive (“World’s smallest!”) toy she bought started to gather dust.

Just over a year later-- July of 2003, to be pacific-- a bored girl browsing Gawker took note of a post which mentioned "Fotolog". She googled, surfed, then joined, on a whim. Perhaps this would inspire her to actually use her Minolta? I mean, why bother taking pictures if you have nowhere to put them (this was long before Facebook and Flickr), right? Slowly she got used to taking her camera with her and photographing things which she found interesting, though it was a struggle-- who was *she* to pretend to be a photographer? Why should anyone care about what she shot? And wouldn't her technique be non-existent or worse, awful? It was intimidating, because everyone she encountered on the site was a professional with gorgeous work to display. Beyond that, she didn't know anyone else on Fotolog. Oh, and she didn't like her username, either. All of this almost turned her off, but then, a kind Angeleno complimented one of her pictures. Positive feedback from a pro was encouraging and it inspired a desire to give this fotologging thing a final try-- but this time, with a NEW username, one which she was also using on her first blog, on blogspot. She deleted and re-registered, this time as “Suitablegirl”.

THIS time, her Fotolog, then shortened to "flog", actually flourished—so much so that she upgraded to Gold, because to her astonishment, she had more than one picture a day to share. She uploaded shots of San Francisco (is there an easier city to photograph?), her German Shepherd, Rani (snore in one of your contorted positions in peace, beloved friend)and her godson, Pudgesicle (= perfection)—it was addictive. Her friends started to tune in regularly, to divert themselves while at work. Rani and Pudgesicle became small stars in the flog galaxy and the people who knew them IRL loved catching up with both of them (and occasionally their photographer, even) online. What an easy way to see what everyone was up to! :) Even those serving abroad, on the other side of the world, could surf by at their convenience, to sate homesickness via images of Mom, dog, sister.

::

In the years since that auspicious start, I have grown up (a little), moved away (a lot), been interviewed by the media about this aspect of Web 2.0 (cool!), met someone who is now an ex-bf (what a year THAT was) and discovered a previously-unknown cousin (Hi Lisa!), all thanks to Fotolog. My Fotolog was also the catalyst for profound, occasionally confusing, mostly gratifying development within, regarding my identity (or previous lack of one, more accurately), as someone of Malayalee descent.

Growing up around no other Desis (let alone specific types of them/members of even more specific Christian denominations), attending a Greek Orthodox church instead of a Syrian one and THEN attending a University where I was the only Malayalee undergrad for a few years meant that I felt VERY disconnected from something which many of you rightly take for granted. Thanks to Fotolog, I have done something I never thought I would-- forge relationships with other Malayalee women [I never had the opportunity to do so before :( ], and I am emotionally wealthier for it.

You should all know- you are now a part of my life, even though I don't have the opportunity to keep up with you here.

I happily keep track of you on Facebook, keep you in my prayers and think about you at random moments…when catching a rerun of “Who’s the boss?”, spotting Balenciaga bags or eating German Chocolate cake, for example. I love you and I love the way you have improved me, humbled me and taught me, even more.

I started this Fotolog when my little baby boy was six weeks old. Now he is four and so are we.

A lot is changing in my life and it’s time for me to change, too, whether I’m willing to do so or not. These changes mean accepting a different mentality, one where other priorities take precedence over those I currently hold; they also remind me that I only have so much time to do the things I dream of and if I want to be honest with myself, I cannot update four blogs, three social networking accounts, two Fotologs and one Flickr stream consistently. It’s time to move on, to streamline, to focus, to start anew. :)

I might still tell you what’s in my purse (Oh, come ON. Like I could give THAT up), invite you to experience my memories via HERstory or welcome your advice on my diary, but this Fotolog will no longer be updated. I have deleted my MySpace account, retired my Friendster profile and will take down “Closet”, shortly. However, I haven’t lost that loving feeling which Flog gave me, for my camera and digital photography; I have been a power user of Flickr for a year now and I love the functionality, clean design and freedom from nasty advertising I find yonder.

I know, it’s not the same as over here. Checking out which of my friends on Flickr have uploaded something new, via my “home” page, will never be as easy as glancing at the right sidebar on my flog, but I’ve been doing it for well over a year now, so obviously this curmudgeon is capable of doing things differently. My only regret is that all of you aren’t Flickr users, but I’m noticing that more and more of you are uploading albums to Facebook (which I adore btw) and that’s a lovely way to keep in touch.

So, thank you. You have allowed me in to your lives and because of such generosity of spirit and trust, I have watched you find love, get married, have babies, buy homes and do the happy, normal things which generally inspire *my* very Peter Pan-like self to procrastinate. :) It’s amazing to think that I wouldn’t know, let alone have attended Sibil and Nina’s weddings if it weren’t for Flog. See? Something seemingly small changed everything, and I am lucky it did. I wish each of you the best, you deserve nothing less.