April 1: The Joke is on me.

I took my ring off.

April fools!

Except...it wasn't a joke.   This is really happening.  On top of every other fucking problem (aptjobworkhealthandmore) I am facing now, I can comfort myself with the bitter truth that I'll face it all, alone. 

You know, I was fine. 

I was done with everything.  I believed that I was not the marrying kind and I had made peace with that.  But then I met someone.  And he knew the odds of getting his way and the strength of my will, but he persisted, because he wanted me to give it/him/us...a shot.  And I did.  Stupid girl.  I should have stuck to my cynicism.

But how could I?  My sister, who traditionally loathes my boyfriends, was charmed.  And that fact obliterated my Mother's considerable disapproval and negativity; if V liked him, he had to be ridiculously fantastic.  And so I dumbly believed in happily ever after, after all.  It  felt like a dream.  I mean, how awesome was this: all of my friends had married men who didn't get along with their parents/siblings/families.  My family and my boyfriend were in a mutual admiration society.  Go me!

I should have know better.  I should have known that nothing so fantastic can last, that the rug would get yanked out from under my feet sooner or later, and that I'd fall.  I just didn't think that lightning could strike twice, that I would lose someone because of...this.  Again.

It doesn't  matter that I tried to do everything to prevent this from happening, because so what if I gave it my all...once again, it wasn't good enough.  Why do I fucking bother.

Comments

[CAntony]

Que sera, sera, Cherie.

What else is there to say?

[Chaitan]

So sorry to hear. I watch House, M.D. whenever I feel cynical.

[rose]

aww anna...hope you're doing ok. take care of yourself...

[Maitri]

Say it isn't so! *sigh*

[tamasha]

Ugh. I mean, not you. I mean, you know what I mean.

[yasmine]

oh, anna.
i am so sorry, beautiful lady.
sending you love, strength, and good vibes.

[BillingBelle]

Hang in there, Anna! Your friends and lurkers alike are rooting for you!

[rekha]

So sorry to hear that. Please know that many thoughts and prayers are heading your way from Chicago.

[reformed material girl]

Anna.

Have you ever had your kundli (birth chart) done? If not, I suggest you find a reputable and skilled jyotish (vedic/sidereal/indian astrologer), and see what planets are conflicted in your kundli that result in failed relationships. Then the jyotish can give a remedy (usually gemstones) and I can practically guarantee from here that your problem will be solved (if the jyotish is qualified).

This process has worked wonders for me in several different areas of my life.

What the hell? At least it's worth a try.

You will be amazed at how many things in your life show up in your chart.

[reformed material girl]

Anna.

Have you ever had your kundli (birth chart) done? If not, I suggest you find a reputable and skilled jyotish (vedic/sidereal/indian astrologer), and see what planets are conflicted in your kundli that result in failed relationships. Then the jyotish can give a remedy (usually gemstones) and I can practically guarantee from here that your problem will be solved (if the jyotish is qualified).

This process has worked wonders for me in several different areas of my life.

What the hell? At least it's worth a try.

You will be amazed at how many things in your life show up in your chart.

[Been There, Done With It]

Anna, I feel you. I get sick when I hear people talk about "soulmates". What the hell does that mean anyway? My soul has a mate?

The dream of love, romance, marriage - this is the stuff of times past, if ever it even existed at all. In reality what has been happening since the beginning of time is compromise, not love.

As time passes I have less and less mental energy to invest in silly dreams like true love.