A N N A J O H N ' S D I A R Y

Oh wretched, miserable day.

I
hate
everything
and
I
hate
everyone,
since
I don't have you.

i hate livejournal.

...and i'm depressed that after reading it, i feel like many (note: i didn't say "all") who populate the next gen of international brown young things are obnoxious, immature and misguided.

i knew there would be fallout, that there would be insults and judgments and pain after revealing my long-buried secret.  but that doesn't make it any easier to bear.  i think part of my wrath has to do with the fact that i was very insecure about posting the story as it was, so raw and unedited.  but, i stupidly told myself, people will not focus on THAT.  they'll focus on what happened and how it happens too often.  i wanted to rewrite it...but i couldn't.  it was torture.  THAT is one of the reasons why it took me a few days to post...and THAT is why i tried to come up with a different post entirely, but in the end, i was empty.  so i gave what i had.  and it is like being skinned alive to be told that it wasn't good enough.

i know, there are several women who stood up for me on livejournal, and after reading something as hurtful as this i'm extra-grateful for that...but i'm not reading anymore.  i can't.  and i don't have to.

assholes.

pathetic, motherfucking, inhumane, psychopathic ASSHOLES.

sigh.

with the good (two-hundred kind comments) comes the bad.  i promise that since i've just vented, i will focus on the former.

last word on advertisements tonight, I PROMISE

since i'm semi-famous for writing, "shouldn't this read 'whom'?" in the "who i want to meet" section of my friendster profile, it should come as no surprise that i'm about to eat shoots and leave the following thoughts.  i've already mentioned two commercials today, what's one more? 

the samuel adams jingle "who do you love?" annoys the fecal matter out of me, since it's wrong.  WHOM.  WHOM you morons, WHOM.  the answer to that stupid beer-related (??) question is "i love him/her" and that proves that you shouldn't make like an owl and "who".  slackers.

Ain't no future in yo' frontin'

Dear Douchebag,

Allow me to commend you for the admirable amount of effort you exerted in your transparent attempt to impersonate the singular DesiDancer.  You even went as far as to copy her email address and submit it with your purloined handle.  Well-played.  You're still a fake, though.  And a somewhat addled one at that, since DesiDancer and I were born in the same year and her email address contains that figure.  That's why you writing "Anna might be slightly old" makes zero sense.  Thanks for that incriminating bit of evidence, it was quite helpful.

Thanks also for giving me the perfect reason to implement TypeKey for commenting on this blog.  I used to fret that I'd have to password protect AJD, to keep it toxin- and troll-free, now all I have to do is wait for the handful of people I truly care about to get a TypeKey-- and I know they will because:

a) they like me, they really like me
b) they, too, are sick of the bullshit.

A bissel about TypeKey for those who didn't click through the link above:

TypeKey enables you to verify and protect your identity on the web.

Enabling TypeKey...increases accountability for the content that appears on your weblog and stops comment spam cold.

TypeKey is a completely pseudonymous system meaning that no personally identifying information is required to use it. However, if you wish to tell the world a little bit more about yourself, you can put whatever information you choose to share on your TypeKey profile page. A link to that page is displayed next to every comment your make when you authenticate through TypeKey.

To my darling friends, wellwishers and non-trolls- Happy commenting!  Yay for no drama, for not having mean people appropriate your "identities", as has happened several times in the last 20 months. Aren't you excited that this pretty little space will be all ours now? :)

Bloggily yours,

A N N A

"Hear now, Patel son of a bitch...

I release you from my service. Go now and die in what way seems best for you."

:+:

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: patel@hotmail.com
Date: Apr 4, 2005 12:15 PM
Subject: [HERstory] New Comment Posted to 'Look into the mirror, who's inside there?'

Dear ANNA,

A new comment has been posted on your blog "HERstory," on the post "Look into the mirror, who's inside there?."

IP Address: 128.83.231.115
Name: yourmother'slover
Email Address: patel@hotmail.com 

Comments: wtf? you know most people think that you got fat and just don't bother to write it or are too polite to say anything. finally someone has the guts to say the truth and you can't take it, even though you dish out much nastier comments to others all the time. a few gora desiphiles taking the bait when you fish for compliments and sympathy does not equate to you really looking good.

Six Apart, 548 Fourth Street, San Francisco, CA 94107

buy yourself a new, bigger butt plug and then STFU, thanks.

"Whatever thrill you get from being rude to people on this website will do you no good in the real world where 99% don't give a damn about you or your opinion. Stop being so combative and maybe you'll find a boyfriend someday."

is that the best you got, you whining santorum-addict?  i almost wrote another comment, in response, but i felt like i was in a fist-fight with someone half my size.  we all know that just ain't right.

oh, and if you want to know what i did to deserve that shittiness...i called him out after he said that someone deserved to be abused by her bf, b/c she was ugly.  i said that was uncalled for and THAT comment is what i received for doing so.  this craven jackass tried the "you can't take a joke"-tactic.  riiiiight.  all i have to say is, bring it, bia.  i'm your huckleberry and like tom petty, "i won't back down".  insult me all you like, you know you were wrong; i won't give you the pleasure of a cat fight, no matter what shit you sling my way.

Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around...

the most important "VIP" list i've ever been on

didn't realise the Fster expiration date on my ass was showing

since this anonymous soul was kind enough to pity 30-year old me after diagnosing me with an addiction to friendster (hey dr. anonymous, what DID you get on your MCAT, btw?)  i wonder if they'd be charitable enough to also pity this guy. 

you see, alok is ALSO 30 (not to mention married + a new daddy)...and get this-- he ALSO wrote a post about Fster, even though he's too ooold to be on there.  you can find his pity-worthy piece over on his new group blog "Blunt Instrument".

what's that you say?  that blog sounds familiar?  'course it does.  "Blunt Instrument" was originally SJM's blog; now he's playing nice and sharing it with his two soulmates, alok and ankur.  (p.s. no word yet on what this means for ankur's typepad blog...that's a point of information for me and his other two readers.)

anyway, since our busybody doctor was so concerned about me, i thought i'd send them another patient to advise.  one caveat:  have some of your surgeon-friends at the ready.  i'm a hissing little kitten compared to Alok et al.  they'll flay you, salt you and THEN flame you. 

so have at it!  i can't WAIT.  bitch.

Dear clueless Asshat,

"Gosh, between Canadians complimenting you without following protocol and guys blessing you and offering condolences for your loss, I'm wondering where you get the courage to continue this blog in the face of so much crap. I can't imagine what your real life is like, you must have to wear a veil over your face like a princess or some kind of moviestar"

Blogs are  sort of like reality shows, and bloggers are the stars.  I hate "Survivor", so I've never watched an entire episode.  (There's a clue in that last sentence...I'm sincerely hoping you have a once-in-a-lifetime episode of proper brain functioning, and you get it...but I'm not holding my precious breath.)

I have the right to complain about anything I damned well please when it's ON MY DIME.  I especially have the right to complain about stupid shit, like people who can't grasp that Indian women born and raised in Amreeka wear saris, too. 

I look good to his western eyes?  The mere qualification of his ocular devices as "western" implies that I'm somehow not.  He's incorrect.  I get to point that, out.  Amazing, no?

As for people wishing me well, offering condolences over the loss of my father etc...I'm humbled and gratified by such kindness.  When they abruptly change their tone and astound me with their sordid intentions, I'm well within my rights to call them out on it.  My two greatest pet peeves are stupidity and hypocrisy.  People who have sent me countless emails and messages exhorting me to read the good book should NOT ask if I'm the girl on a XXX site. 

I'll close by reminding you that Shakespeare thought that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.  That explains why stupid, horrid, whiny me abuses and over-uses it as a technique, but what's your excuse?  I mean, for you to judge me, you must be as pristine as Jesus himself.  You wouldn't attack me by throwing stones at my glass "palace" unless you are better than me, right?

Hope that clarifies things, wormtongue.

Sincerely,

A N N A

p.s.  Just in case you're still confused:                              

                                             

wahhh wahhhh...call a wambulance, stat!

wait, wait...*i'm* the one living in some weird alternate reality?
i'm glad we finally know what my problem is-- i'm developing a...wait for it, wait for it...

OBSESSION. :p

at this point, i'm expecting this kid (he's all of 23) to mount "hostile takeovers" on all of my blogs on blogshare, b/c that's the level of maturity this interaction has decayed to...if he does, so be it. though i love the game and find it fun, i don't need to deal with:

excessively hyper-sensitive (lo, coming from ME that says SOMETHING)

conceited (like i'd crush on a baby who bans people who DON'T flame)

deluded (he knows "my kind"? how awful for all of us. he knows his ass.)

insulting (as you'll read, my needs pale significantly to his)

arrogant (just b/c i call you out, doesn't mean i'm one of those plushy NYers)

idiot armchair psychologists who think they've got me figured out.

thanks for igniting my muse, crybaby...my readers love new content when they're at work.  :)  i am also grateful for this massively entertaining break from coding.

oh, and no worries about future messaging LITTLE boy; unless you send me more lame emails, i won't acknowledge your piddling existence again. as hova once said, "poof! vamoose son of a..."

:+:

FROM:  P.X. Project
TO:        Suitablegirl

1) You left a mean comment. You deserved a mean response. Do you know me? No. So keep the dissections to the relevant posts.

2) I would appreciate it if you didn\'t message me, and got over this obsession you\'re developing.

3) My writing has little to do with you. We live in different worlds, and even in virtuality, and never the twain shall meet. I have little respect for your kind, and with good reason. It shouldn\'t bother you as much as it does. You can\'t make the whole world love you.

4) How does an anti-American sentiment come into the picture here? You\'re on drugs, or live in some weird alternative reality. Or, your comprehension of English and its nuances is very different from that of the ordinary man, since you\'re an extraordinary woman, in your own view.

In my post, I didn\'t target ABCDs - I categorically hinted at a particular variety of NRIs. Touche`? Yes, without a doubt. Look at riled up you. Shame. Woe.

BTW, its an IP ban. Not a death sentence or a character judgment. What do you do when someone trolls your space or flames you?

I frequently ignore people I don\'t get along with, rather than getting all riled up and slaughtering them, or starting another never-ending war. Ignore me, as I ignore you.

Finally, I repeat, don\'t message me again. Threats lead to legal action. Let your friend with the Napoleon complex know that. Good riddance, to me, and to you.

May you have peace, but only if you keep away from me.

Abinesh: STFU.

UPDATE:
since
a few
of you
asked,
THIS is
the pic
that
he was
"responding"
to...

the majority of indian boys from third-world countries have issues with me. they tend to loathe me, basing their impressive amounts of rage and abusive hate on...nothing. it's always someone i've never met or seen, screaming invective and filth my way. i've been told several theories about why this transpires:

- they're intimidated
- they're bothered by my "untraditional" nature
- they are attracted to me
- they have dwarf penises.

(i favour the last explanation, but you all could've guessed that, right?)

this isn't something that i normally cared or thought about, except for when my mother was stupid enough to suggest that i marry a boy from "back home". (i'll become a bull dyke first, thanks...i mean...wait until you see what i get from such international assholes)

currently, mom isn't here to provide such pointless adivce, but i'm confronted by the "assholes" anyway-- i looked in my Friendster inbox, and found the following two messages. i've never received THIS sort of response via Fster...it's usually overwhelmingly positive. anyway, abinesh? since you're *such* an expert on them, i guess the title of this post is apposite. fuck you, drive through.

From: Abinesh
Date: July 27, 2004 2:38 PM
Subject: Nice Job

Message:

Guess.. u must have been a good cock sucker by
looking at ur mouth.. good! Thats a good job! and
its called the Blowjob!! nice job!

and *then* he embarassed himself FURTHER:

From: Abinesh
Date: July 27, 2004 2:41 PM
Subject: U r really a bitch!

Message:

behave like a woman asshole!! Ur mum wasted 9
months of period of her time carrying u in her
womb! get the hell out of the world and die! Go
to hell may u be in hell soon! Bitch! But u r
really ugly!! Oh wat an Unsightly bitch u r! Im a
guy from Singapore! well all ppl from Singapore
are like this.. we are great get it on ur fucking
head!!

.
.
.

eek. no wonder i didn't enjoy singapore in '89...

why do i fucking blog again?

for ANYONE who may be UNCLEAR on the concept, my last diary entry (the list of trash-talking that apparently made no sense to some of you) was aimed squarely at "callcenterguy", the commenter who has left pornographic filth on ALL of my blogs in the last few days. each of those sentences was a response to his insults. i could care less whether the rest of you want to fuck me or not. was this really not clear? unbelievable.

i don't know if you're using a reader to get my posts, and i am not writing for you if you do, no offense. i write this blog with the full expectation that you're looking at this actual page, and you can see the entire context (comments, flooble chatterbox, pictures) of this microcosm. i had no idea that my blog ceased to make sense just b/c of RSS. i use kinja and i still pay attention to comments; that's the thrilling part of blogging. interaction. feedback. dialogue. NO blogger dislikes comments. they're the whole point, sometimes.

if you want to know something people, just ASK. when have i EVER shied away from your legitimate questions?

between the nastiness here AND the negativity on fotolog...damn...i can't believe i spend time producing content and money putting it up, every month.

:(

the only bush i trust is my own. and i'm brazilian.

out-fucking-RAGE in west virginia.

"Police took Nicole and Jeff Rank away in handcuffs from the event, which was billed as a presidential appearance, not a campaign rally. They were wearing T-shirts that read, “Love America, Hate Bush.”

Spectators who wore pro-Bush T-shirts and Bush-Cheney campaign buttons were allowed to stay.

“We weren’t doing anything wrong,” said Jeff Rank. The couple, who said they had tickets just like everybody else, said they simply stood around the Capitol steps with the rest of the spectators.

“We sang the national anthem,” Rank said."

i'm so proud of our government; they've got their priorities STRAIGHT. harassing some dolphin-lover and his wife? wow. i loathe the occupant of 1600 pennyslvania for many reasons, but this unprecedented assault on american values like free speech makes me livid.

ennis emailed me about this bullshit, and i thank him for that. good looking out, kid.

A N N A has *spoken*

i do not mind if you use comments as a forum. :)

carry on w/your "Love at First Sight" discussion. i am enjoying it. ;)

haters? go fuck yourselves, i'm happy and you're NOT VERY GOOD AT READING

from the REAL blog:

"when the right boy comes along, you will quietly put down your issue of "the knot", forget the number to vera wang's boutique and shrug at the option of arriving at your st. patrick's cathedral wedding in a 1935 Duesenberg J-model coupe. you'll murmur heretical, dangerous, seditious and utterly delicious words like...vegas, elope and...gavin newsom. you'll also laugh a tinkly laugh re: your engagement porsche. he was about to buy it and that's all you needed, as you informed him that no, it actually wasn't necessary. a test was passed with flying colours...who made you G-d over Abraham, asking for Isaac's blood?"

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

also, from there:

politicaldesi: sorry darling, but anyone who even needs to ask that

the future senator from KY: ask if you're materialistic?

politicaldesi: i discuss conflict diamonds in that section...(BEFORE the engagement porsche is mentioned)

politicaldesi: i'm looking for the person who sees/reads/absorbs all of that

politicaldesi: and sees/reads/absorbs all of THIS. who understands beyond that...

the future senator from KY: what about no diamond and no porsche?

politicaldesi: if i were in love, i wouldn't need anything beyond the arms of the person i adore

politicaldesi: no one understands me.

politicaldesi: diamonds are trinkets.

politicaldesi: i love cars.

politicaldesi: that's why that blurb reads the way that it does.

politicaldesi: some child in africa isn't getting raped for my "porsche"

politicaldesi: if someone feels the need to give me something extravagant for a milestone, they can get me one of those. dropping 15-20k on a ring is idiocy

the future senator from KY: the way it's posted (at first glance) on your profile....it doesn' seem that way

politicaldesi: that's fine with me. anyone who is thoughtful enough to go read my blog and or flog

the future senator from KY: ok

politicaldesi: will soon realise different

politicaldesi: i'm transparent. i do like nice things. i feel no need to lie about it. and despite my proclivity towards bleeding heart jobs that pay nothing like what i need to maintain my lifestyle :-D, i am well-loved.