A N N A J O H N ' S D I A R Y

Liveblogging Emmy's Red Rug

...where it is apparently 130 degrees, according to one hyperbole-prone reporter.  I'm doing errands so I might miss something, just so you know to drop expectations accordingly. ;)

Maria Menounos:  since I'm an honorary Greek, I have such the shoft shpot for this woman.  Not tonight.  What did they make you wear???

Jaime Pressley in eggplant Badgley Mischka-- what a perfect, gorgeous dress

Debra Messing:  Love the hair and makeup, not crazy about the dress

"aubergine" is the color of the evening...from the aforementioned Jaime to Evangeline Lilly and that unremarkable woman from Grey's Anatomy.  Innnteresting.

PAULA ABDUL!  That necklace DOES NOT GO with that...dress.  The hair bling was more than enough.

Sean Hayes has the PRETTIEST blue eyes...why didn't I notice them all these years when I was watching Will and Grace reruns twice a night?

I loved (what I saw of) Annette Benning's dress, but I don't thing its color (or her lipstick, or her highlights) suit her.

Why is Sandra Oh channeling Mr. T?

I think it's disgusting that FOUR out of the five female noms for best actress in a comedy series are from canceled shows.

Kyra's dress would look way better on someone with very dark hair.

Plain Jane from Grey's doesn't know how to walk in an evening gown.  Hiking it up while on Dr. McDreamy's arm?  CLASSY.

Megan Mullaly...you are gorgeous, why didn't you wear a dress which was, too?  Damn, yo.

Jennifer Love's dress makes her look hip-y.  And not in the good way.  Way to age yourself with that gown.

I hate it when people applaud as if they are seals.  They look like they are smashing mosquitoes.

I don't know who that guy was who just did the "No Thank You" speech, but he is brilliant.  Best. Awards show. Speech. EVER.

Simon Cowell...eww.  There was no need for me to see that.

I don't like that weird...pendant thing that is sticking out of the middle of the gash in Locklear's gown, but the color and draping are exquisite on her.  Burn Denise whoreards, BURN.

Candace Bergen's choice of outfit is...odd.  Is that a western belt?  Why, Enid, WHYYYY?

Charlie's original Angels look great!  Mrs. King is lovely and Jaclyn Smith is still a knock-out.

I LOVE the color of Edie Falco's sleek, beautifully designed gown.

I retrieve one load of laundry and that's it?  Emmy is done?  Wow.  Um, okay.  Conan seemed less funny than usual...but maybe I just missed when he was being a genius.  Sometimes, I think awards shows are impossible.  Even the cleverest, most howl-inducing performers sound flat when they are up on stage under a giant metallic statue...

Now, I Hate Reality TV

Project Runway: you are DEAD to me.  DEAD! 

Don't fret, my pets-- I'm not going to spoiler anything here, but the person who was cut?  MY FAVORITE.  And he was so swoontastically talented...but let's leave that aside for a nanosecond, shall we?  The person he was "up against" in that final round of two was such a JERK.  And his...I can't bear to dignify it by defining it as a "dress"...his concoction?  That piece-of-shit shmatha?  Are you kidding me?  HORRIBLE.  Like...a choir robe gone terribly awry.  Like a nightmare with buttons. 

I will readily admit it; my favorite's creation wasn't anything special.  In fact, it was incongruous in comparison to all of his other elegant and beautifully executed work, but this assignment was a bit anomalous to begin with, right?

Annnnnnnd...I'm done being ambiguous for you TIVO-lovahs. :)

disclaimer: I don't think I've seen every ep this season, so it's possible that the designer who was so unjustly eliminated tonight might have sent a dog down the runway before this show. ;)  Don't yell at me!

I want to marry Dr. Iain Stewart

witty?  check.

from Scotland?  check.

hot-hot-hot brogue?  check.

excellent "teacher"/interesting?  check.

doctor, but not the douchebag kind?  check.

brilliant in a subject i surely would've flunked?  check.

uses metaphors that usually involve chocolate or cookies?  check.

proclivity to wear collared dress shirts (albeit unironed) when americans would don a tee?  check.

oh my.  i think i've got a wee crush. i've been watching Hot Rocks: Geology of Civilization for a few hours now and I can't bring myself to get off the couch and get shit done, since it would mean missing edifying Iain, whose specialty is Greek and Turkish earthquakes.  right now he's explaining why my hero Caligula was so mad (lead in the wine, lead in the food, lead in the makeup of the women he sucked face with).  sigh.  smart boys?  me-OW. 

see?  i occasionally break my "only-brown-boys" rule. ;)

the best woman won

w00t Chloe!

stop frontin', you know exactly what i mean.

Liveblogging the Academy Avards- The "Montages-So-Scintillating-I-Slept" Edition

Opening skit: kinda cute.  Surprised at the cameos by mel, halle...Seinfeld (can anything be funny now, w/o a sein-ref?).

Oooh, I hope Jon Stewart does well as host…I almost have butterflies for him.

"Ladies, gentlemen…Felicity."  Will be my new non-joke.  (She played a transsexual man who became a woman in a film...)

Bravo for wearing a spread collar, JS!

I liked the democratic party/donation joke…and the one about voting which came after. ;)

Yeah, THIS'll stop piracy: "There are women here who could barely afford enough gown to cover their breasts!"

I like the subtle tribute to “best picture” noms.  No song and dance, no skits…just monologue.  Nice.

On Spielberg's Jewish fillums: “I can’t wait to see what happens to us next.  Trilogy!!!”

Joaquin Phoenix got fat!

Must see “Crash”, apparently it's important…also, didn’t know Ryan Phillipe was in it.

I think the only other host I’d want to see is Conan.

DRESS:  Nicole Kidman in white…I’m thinking wedding.  Hmmm.   Her hair looks lovely, though.  The curlicue embroidery on her bustier-like top makes it extra-weddingy.  Its figure-clinging  properties help, but still, I could totally see someone get married in it, with a fun, short veil.

Matt Dillon plays “shady” sooo well.

Clooney’s acceptance speech?  Five out of five stars.

DRESS:  Reese Witherspoon in shimmering, encrusted…peach?  Ecru?  Champagne? I like her hair, too.  Dangling earrings = perfect, as does her neckline.  I’m not sure about her skirt, though.  The stripes are distracting?  Eek, I want a better look, don’t think I’ll get one now that there are ridiculous little pre-tied bowties on each oscar.  UPDATE!  It's vintage and I love that.  It perfectly complements the old-Hollywood theme (duh, of course it would) and I'm sure she's thrilled that when THIS dress was recycled, it wasn't out of human-cabbage-patch-kid-Kirsten Dunst's hamper.  Also, her dress looks best with an Oscar in front of it.  :)  No, I'm not biased, bitches!

DRESS:  Naomi Watts in destroyed ecru chiffon.  Her hair is lovely, but I would’ve switched the ponytail to her bare-shouldered side, to prevent her from looking a bit lopsided.  Interesting dress.  Very couture but NOT awards-apposite IMO.  No matter, can’t see it now that Dolly is crooning.