A N N A J O H N ' S D I A R Y

july 30

weight: 135.5
bodyfat: 22

kcal: :)
vasa: :)

gym: KICKBOXING! second day in a row!

write: :)
read: like a magpie

last type of cheese consumed: chedddddar

i 'mell like: bergamot, coriander, ginger, lavendar. oh, and thermasilk hair conditioner.

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it's taken me two hours to even START this diary entry...the posting window has been open, forlornly waiting, desiring content that i cannot provide. why am i denying typepad (and you)? b/c i can't feel the lower part of my body, damnit.

yesterday's KB class was fantastic b/c it was so different; it was an "emphasis on glutes" sort of hour, and so i had that pleasant feeling of accomplishment that you get when you tear apart a long-neglected muscle group. or two. my adductors and abductors ouch as well, you see. that's to be expected after almost ten days away from they gym. the tissue i think of as my legs (hamstrings, quadriceps, calves) was not sore at all, and that made life bearable. ah, wasn't THAT situation short-lived...

today's class was totally different; different instructor, different drills and way more sparring. i had three different "opponents" who were all asking for it b/c they were all punching (w/awful form i should add) my last nerve. despite my left ankle uncharacteristically giving out astonishingly early in class, i persevered (thank G-D for jordans, yo) and just tried to go easy on it...but these bitches were asking for it, and since we were exploring the gloriously celluloid-worthy world of kicks today, i let them have it. end result? OWWWW. like, way OWWWW. :( now my ass, hips, thighs, calves AND ankle ouch. sheesh.

next class? sunday. hold me.

i think i'll start doing lines of ibuprofen tomorrow morning, even as the case of vanilla silk soymilk-- purchased b/c it helps reduce pain associated with lactic acid build-up, supposedly-- rots. who was i kidding? a case? i only like one kind of soymilk, and that's chocolate. before one of you MENSA-admitted geniuses smirks and comments about how i should just mix in chocolate syrup or something, know this: THAT was what i was planning to do in the first place, when i went against my better judgment and BOUGHT the damned vanilla from costco. how was i supposed to know that when you shake it up and pour it in a glass, it looks like liquified boogers? or the water that drains after you've boiled rice? both of which i'm equally yucked out by. so much for that brilliant, evolved, northern california-apposite, utterly Davis idea. blech. give me cow milk or give me death.

this always happens; i inevitably tell myself, "just write three sentences about what you did today, the final one being, 'that's it, i'm tired and i'm going to bed"...then, i write assloads, making my earlier case of writer's block seem like it was delusional. starting is always the most impossible part, innit?

anyway, i'll leave you all with some linky and it's some primo shit, y'all. after leaving DC in disgust of 2002, i have been less political than i've EVER been in my whole life. a few inspired speeches at this week's otherwise pointless dem convention changed all of that. i'm feeling an energy, a calling, a fire that i haven't been warmed by in a long while. on four separate occasions in the last year, various friends and mentors have offered to get the kerry camp my resume; on four separate occasions in the last year, i demurred. i slightly regret such hesitations now...

wanna know what kind of unpresidential failure we have at 16th and Penn Ave NW? this kind:

The single greatest event of my life.

So I went to protest Dubya today, as he was visiting my humble little burg of East Lampeter, PA...

A friendly Kerry supporter named Mr. Shenk let us use his front yard to display our banners. Now comes the good part. After waiting around for about 45 minutes, the motorcade passed by us again. A few police cars, followed by a van or two, drove by. Then, a Bush/Cheney bus passed, followed by a second one going slower. At the front of this second bus was The W himself, waving cheerily at his supporters on the other side of the highway. Adam, Brendan, and I rose our banner (the More Trees, Less Bush one) and he turned to wave to our side of the road. His smile faded, and he raised his left arm in our direction. And then, George W. Bush, the 43rd president of the United States of America, extended his middle finger.

Read that last sentence again.
I got flipped off by George W. Bush.

A ponytailed man standing next to us confirmed the event, saying, "I do believe the President of the U.S. just gave you boys the finger." We laughed probably for the next half hour, and promptly told everyone we knew. Brendan actually snapped a picture of Bushy in action, but the glare and the tint of the bus windows make it difficult to see him at all. Nonetheless, it was the best possible reaction.

We pissed George W. Bush off. We are true patriots.

now i adore GMail MORE!

who has GMail? i do! i have two, in fact. :D

i love it, and i will go on record saying that it's the best email ever. i know several of you have it, and b/c of that, i thought i'd share some link about stuff you can add to it...i found it whilst surfing recently updated brown blogs, a blog i am currently mad at, b/c it refuses to list me, even though i wrote them very nicely. i have a sneaking suspicion they are discriminating against ABCDs. gah. just say so, and don't waste me time, matey.

anyway, before i deleted the rude person's link to newly updated blogs forever, i decided to click on three different blogs, just to be random; the first two blew, the last one was this one, from someone nice named Nilesh. :)

he had a bunch of GMail tools, and i present my two favourites here (by the by...these are his words, not mine. i feel like putting them in quotes or something, since i straight up copied the following bullets):

- G-Mailto: Sets Gmail as your default mail program in Windows. So when you click on a mailto:// url, your favourite web browser will open up a page with Gmail's Compose window. Pretty nifty.

-GTray: Windows system tray notifier for new Gmail mail.

enjoy. :)

must...go...to...gym.

lest all of you think i'm an avid and willing gym bunny, let me disabuse you of such myth. i spent a week on vacation, didn't work out once, and am now finding it uber-difficult to motivate and get to the gym. (going to bed at 6:30am and waking before noon isn't helping my cause, either)

it's like starting over, when you have to overcome lackadaisical proclivities and excuses in order to get yourself to work out. sigh. i know that in a few weeks, i'll be planning my life around kickboxing (which commences in just 17 minutes), but right now, i'm all "bleh".

my lack of car is not helping matters at ALL. le sick civic is no longer mine, now that mummy's mercedes is DONE. she has my car, and walking in this oppressive valley heat makes me just cringe my barely-healed-from-last-month's-sunburn skin. sigh. i thought this might help some of you, b/c you occasionally comment that you're impressed w/my discipline. ha.

the only reason i'm going is b/c i ORIGINALLY thought the class was at 4:30, and i didn't look at the clock until 4:22, when i realised that i wouldn't make it on time...and got depressed and disappointed in myself. the regret made me understand that i actually DID want to go, and i was minorly thrilled when i examined the gym schedule and saw my hour-long "reprieve" (which is vanishing by the second). i made some iced coffee to get hyper, and prepared to go.

i soooo want to watch democratic convention coverage instead...

sigh. i'm going to change in to kicky clothing. amelie-freak, your set list is the atomic bomb. the rest of you? get political, there's a screen shot on my flog that y'all should see and think about.

july 28

weight: 137
bodyfat: ?

kcal: :)
vasa: :)

gym: bleh

write: :)
read: LOTS of Salon.com

last type of cheese consumed: hmm, none. all i ate was indian food today. weird.

i 'mell like: lavendar. strawberries. dove fresh deo.

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i'm blue.

i miss the right coast so much, it's manifesting as extreme fatigue. i know i returned home to rest, to reconnect, to revive...but now? i regret *ever* coming home. in march of 2003, i should've tried harder to stay instead of taking the path of least effort...how different my life would have been. how happy i would've felt to be bang in the middle of the energy and speed i crave.

when you miss something this much, it hurts. when you miss someone as well...you are misery incarnate.

my exalted, adored VAIO is on life support. it almost died yesterday, but today...today the patient awoke from a coma and almost seemed alive-- provided that i not move. any shift in position and the delicate position of the cursed power cord was threatened, and my laptop would be gone. despite this, i managed to eat, drink, and take care of other necessary things...but i spent most of the day frozen to daddy's recliner, furiously checking email and blog templates,

updating fotolog and catching up on things that i let slide last week...i still owe a few of you emails and phone calls. i know, i know. i am a disappointment as a friend and akka.

being online all day means i read a lot, all day. (even as i was getting chills from al sharpton's roof-raiser of a convention speech. my father would've loved it; after all, he's the man who taped jesse jackson's speech back in the 80s and then made me watch it until i could mimic it. daddy lowed him some oratory.)

what did i find? too much good stuff, which is what i named some slightly important part of my new blog aggregator. i had been using kinja sporadically, (that link shows you my "favourites", btw) but i wasn't thrilled w/it. i'd have twelve posts from Om Malik and then several more from each of my "closer" friends...but i'd get exhausted slogging through it and only "see" three blogs.

the whole reason i TRIED kinja was b/c the # of blogs i read daily has exploded, and i wanted to be efficient...somehow, just clicking my low-tech "links" worked better for me...but i haven't given up on telesis. a few blogs kept mentioning bloglines, and when i read a TON about it on kottke, i decided to try it. so far, it's better than kinja, though it was hardly intuitive when i first attempted to set it up. once i figured things out, it's lovely. we'll see if i keep it though. do any of you use bloglines? if so, what do YOU think? how are the rest of you accessing the blogs you love (aka my online empire ;) achtung: my bloglines "favourites" are not by any means complete...i just added the bookmarklet thing, and will be adding blogs daily, so if yours isn't there yet, keep your knickers from bunching, antsy-pants, it means nothing as nasty as "anna doesn't love, respect, reciprocate me".

okay, on to what i read today, that affected me (who made me anil fucking dash?):

Teresa, full of grace

"The pressure she faced has been building over a year that has garnered her a reputation as unpredictable, dangerous, batty, and, as she put it on Tuesday, "opinionated." Heinz Kerry has already shown that she is a broad with a set of brass balls. She has steadfastly refused to shut up, cursed at inappropriate moments, talked about abortion and Botox, voiced her frustrations with a Republican party of which she was a long-time member, pulled little Jack Edwards' thumb out of his mouth in front of cameras, rhapsodized about her heartbreakingly obvious love for her dead husband John Heinz, and been unable to control her habit of looking like a distracted housecat during her husband's stump speeches."

isn't that the most fantastic paragraph alive? i LOVE it. the rest of the article ain't bad either. suddenly i'm feeling a funny feeling in my tummy for teresa (miss kerry, if you're nasty)...could it be...respect? i'm batty too, damnit. i'm sick of the myth of "balanced" achievers. no one who ever accomplished anything DIDN'T have a fucking screw loose. go on wit yer bad self, miss terry. i support your right to be REAL, to live your life as an imperfect, fragile human. i not only support it, i demand and celebrate it. brava.

you want boobies? happy festivus.

single, dark, ugly and fat me wanted to have something...ANYTHING else replace the last post. since i diary only when it's dark, y'all get this. shameless?

yes.

but let's allow breast-obsessed-CallCenterRetard to choke on his envy-driven, unrequited, lust-adulterated bile while i trace his information (san jose city college, eh?). after all...the other person in this picture LIVES ccg's fantasies, daily-- no wonder he's so happy. dreams do come true, they can happen to you, if you don't treat women like garbage who exist to fill in a pornographic blank. S knows i'm no gold-digger, and his introductory remarks did not contain any of the following:

-cum
-tits
-whore

take a lesson, cur.

Abinesh: STFU.

UPDATE:
since
a few
of you
asked,
THIS is
the pic
that
he was
"responding"
to...

the majority of indian boys from third-world countries have issues with me. they tend to loathe me, basing their impressive amounts of rage and abusive hate on...nothing. it's always someone i've never met or seen, screaming invective and filth my way. i've been told several theories about why this transpires:

- they're intimidated
- they're bothered by my "untraditional" nature
- they are attracted to me
- they have dwarf penises.

(i favour the last explanation, but you all could've guessed that, right?)

this isn't something that i normally cared or thought about, except for when my mother was stupid enough to suggest that i marry a boy from "back home". (i'll become a bull dyke first, thanks...i mean...wait until you see what i get from such international assholes)

currently, mom isn't here to provide such pointless adivce, but i'm confronted by the "assholes" anyway-- i looked in my Friendster inbox, and found the following two messages. i've never received THIS sort of response via Fster...it's usually overwhelmingly positive. anyway, abinesh? since you're *such* an expert on them, i guess the title of this post is apposite. fuck you, drive through.

From: Abinesh
Date: July 27, 2004 2:38 PM
Subject: Nice Job

Message:

Guess.. u must have been a good cock sucker by
looking at ur mouth.. good! Thats a good job! and
its called the Blowjob!! nice job!

and *then* he embarassed himself FURTHER:

From: Abinesh
Date: July 27, 2004 2:41 PM
Subject: U r really a bitch!

Message:

behave like a woman asshole!! Ur mum wasted 9
months of period of her time carrying u in her
womb! get the hell out of the world and die! Go
to hell may u be in hell soon! Bitch! But u r
really ugly!! Oh wat an Unsightly bitch u r! Im a
guy from Singapore! well all ppl from Singapore
are like this.. we are great get it on ur fucking
head!!

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eek. no wonder i didn't enjoy singapore in '89...

july 26

weight: 137
bodyfat: 22.8

kcal: :)
vasa: :)

gym: arms, incl. REALLY torturous triceps, abs.

write: :)
read: new york post, on the plane

last type of cheese consumed: the kind mexican restaurants use...queso blanco?

i 'mell like: sandalwood, rose, hair stuff.

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so

damned

tired.

got off the plane a few hours ago,
rushed home,
rushed even faster to the gym

(b/c it was closing in 25 mins),

worked out

(b/c i'm a no limit soldier...how many of YOU travel all day, fend off DVT in coach and THEN hit the gym at midnight-ish? yeah. that's what i fucking thought),

rushed home to shower,
ate dinner,
am forcing myself to write this.

i'm so spent, i can't get excited to write. but i'm not passing out asleep either. THAT kind of fatigue. what can i say? my luggage was heavy and i schlepped it further than i normally do (my belowed north face weekend bag does NOT have wheels). i think a large part of it is an emotional exhaustion vs anything physical; i didn't want to leave. THAT'S how lovely a time i had, and all day i've been composing this post in my head, turning phrases to do my mini-break justice...so that i could get to this impotent moment. meanwhile, a few hours ago when i was trapped in denver, i would've given hours off of my LIFE to have my laptop working, b/c i was seething w/eloquence and wit. gah.

so much to tell you, just about today and my adventures on the plane (sweetly presumptuous white guys? sweetly protective black guys? skeevy, stinky, sketchy russian mafia? oh yeah. all that and then some.)
but i can't do it. this is my worst sort of writing, the kind i eke out b/c i owe it to a few of you who want something to read before you start your day...b/c i owe it to me to be consistent and i haven't diaried since the 22nd. sigh. so sorry it's so tatti.

i miss the right coast fiercely, and i woke up there today. this all-consuming, wistful longing shall only increase w/each passing day. is everything better there? as far as i am concerned, right this nanosecond, YES. ah, the bliss of long distance relationships. : /

my only consolationS? you guys clicked more ads on my blogs than EVER before :). that's hot. i very much appreciate the fiscal lowe.

the other? after eating at some of the best restaurants i've EVER been to...i only gained a pound. or three. vatewer. it all went to my breasts, so go ME. ;)
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i swear to you i can't make up shit this good; this is an ACTUAL EMAIL that i received tonight:

IndianMatrimonials.com Contact Message:
---------------------------------------------------------

FROM : acqua_di_gio@hotmail.com
TO : Your profile: "suitablegirl"

SUBJECT : hi

ATTACHED PHOTO: None

Hi your profile sounds interesting...well ill tell u more about me...im coming to the end of meds school in march...just finished placements at harvard and mayo clinic...planning to settle in cali after

i stay very active...currently part of a tennis club....love music, travelling....ice hockey..

be great to hear more about u....Currently I am in LA for a bit....let me know.if u are interested in a phone conversation if u like...

im happy to give u a ring....i swear u wont be dissappointed if u got to know me...have alot to offer...u wont be wasting your time...

my email is acqua_di_gio@hotmail.com...

cheers,
armani

july 22

weight: ?
bodyfat: ?

kcal: :)
vasa: :)

gym: away

write: :)
read:

last type of cheese consumed: whatever was in the amazing artichoke/SDT dip at dinner

i 'mell like: mango and mandarin. biosilk hair stuff.

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i'm exhausted. call center jerk asked, "uh, are you done crying yet?" actually, i am. but it took a few hours.

first, someone on my fotolog accused me of being the world's most evil bitch b/c i was insensitive to the victims of 9/11 (!). THEN, one of my favourite people called me out on yesterday's diary entry b/c i used an undefined pronoun that was confusing. fine. i'm an english minor, i should write better.

but that's not what made my mascara clump...it was this sense that someone i speak to DAILY, someone who--from the start--intuitively knew me better than some of my closest friends did ...didn't "get" me. and we all know that's the loneliest feeling ever. when you invest countless hours in an honest, delicate, risk-infused relationship w/someone, you take it for granted that they know you, that they understand how and why you tick. i was floored. maybe they were having a rough day. maybe i suck as a writer. i don't know. but this friend messaged me at an innoportune moment and i came undone.

so someone sweet took me to dinner at the only brewery i like. i had my favourite appetizer-- all carbs and cheese. fantastic. three glasses of raspberry wheat later, i was giggling and sweet. (this is crazy, y'all-- i HATE beer.)

what did i come home to? remember that silicon valley job at company X (which is NOT google) that i was soooo excited about? over-qualified for? ready to do? read on:

Hi Anna,

I received your voice message, but I was swamped with meetings yesterday.

I don't think your work experience and my open positions are enough of a fit, Anna. I understand what you are saying about transferrable skills, but under my current circumstances I need to have a sales team up and running very quickly, and that includes a working knowledge about wireless carriers organizations and consumer product selling skills.

Since the job will be home-based and a long way from corporate headquarters, the sales reps on the East Coast will need to be self-sufficient from the beginning.

Good luck in finding the right next thing for your career.

- Moron

i read this and had a saltwater explosion. shit rains in threes, doesn't it? i mean, DAMN. this woman was so difficult and so WRONG. it was just beyond unfair and i had HAD IT. the phone interview i had w/her was rough enough, but this? it was just WRONG. on so many levels.

i'd probably detail them if i were in a normal state and in a regular place, but i'm in neither. i'm away. and i just went to see "the bourne supremacy" at midnight, to salvage this whore-ENDOUS day. so i'm numb, but i no longer feel robbed. will you give me a night off and just believe me when i say that the silicon valley job story had WAY more layers that i don't have the strength to delve in to right herre? you will? thanks. you're the best.

oh, and bourne was sublime.

'night.

why do i fucking blog again?

for ANYONE who may be UNCLEAR on the concept, my last diary entry (the list of trash-talking that apparently made no sense to some of you) was aimed squarely at "callcenterguy", the commenter who has left pornographic filth on ALL of my blogs in the last few days. each of those sentences was a response to his insults. i could care less whether the rest of you want to fuck me or not. was this really not clear? unbelievable.

i don't know if you're using a reader to get my posts, and i am not writing for you if you do, no offense. i write this blog with the full expectation that you're looking at this actual page, and you can see the entire context (comments, flooble chatterbox, pictures) of this microcosm. i had no idea that my blog ceased to make sense just b/c of RSS. i use kinja and i still pay attention to comments; that's the thrilling part of blogging. interaction. feedback. dialogue. NO blogger dislikes comments. they're the whole point, sometimes.

if you want to know something people, just ASK. when have i EVER shied away from your legitimate questions?

between the nastiness here AND the negativity on fotolog...damn...i can't believe i spend time producing content and money putting it up, every month.

:(

july 21

weight: ?
bodyfat: ?

kcal: :)
vasa: :)

gym: away

write: :)
read:

last type of cheese consumed: romano, parmesan (reggiano), goat cheese (all at dinner)

i 'mell like: amazone by hermes

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for the record?

22% is solid for my height and age (which are 5'6 and 29.5, respectively).

when i'm 40, you and everyone whom you know will still want to fuck me.

you want to fuck me right now, that's why you masturbate at your job at Cisco in san jose, commenting on my blogs when you should be making sure Juniper doesn't gain anymore market share.

finally, if you knew anything about the 997, you'd know the answer to your own stupid question.

thanks for amusing me, now go back to stroking your dwarf penis. you are denied and dismissed.

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new fotolog. go, if you like. :)