i'm off to new york this morning; it's finally time to lay powerful old ghosts to rest and receive closure at the cemetery.
i packed up my life in 2002, so in love with the city, i was sure with every cell in my body that i'd be back in just a few months, after a brief break in California. months became years and i'm still not there. i have this nagging apprehension that i'll never get back to where i belong, if i don't leave it properly first.
when someone is dying, if you weep at their feet and beg them not to leave you, they won't. they'll linger, in between places and misery will be all anyone can feel...this is somehow similar.
i've kept 2002 alive, as it decayed in its deathbed, the artificial means of my relentless tenacity forcing a pulse where there rightfully should be none. i hate giving up. i hate not getting my way. but i must and i won't. not like this.
it's time to begin the begin.
:+:
to everyone who has been sending prayers and sweetness my way for my little sister: thank you, from the bottom of my shaken heart.
i packed up my life in 2002, so in love with the city, i was sure with every cell in my body that i'd be back in just a few months, after a brief break in California. months became years and i'm still not there. i have this nagging apprehension that i'll never get back to where i belong, if i don't leave it properly first.
when someone is dying, if you weep at their feet and beg them not to leave you, they won't. they'll linger, in between places and misery will be all anyone can feel...this is somehow similar.
i've kept 2002 alive, as it decayed in its deathbed, the artificial means of my relentless tenacity forcing a pulse where there rightfully should be none. i hate giving up. i hate not getting my way. but i must and i won't. not like this.
it's time to begin the begin.
:+:
to everyone who has been sending prayers and sweetness my way for my little sister: thank you, from the bottom of my shaken heart.
good luck with your goodbyes to nyc. dont think of it as giving up, just an interlude or something. and what happened to veena? i hope shes ok! prayers for you both anyways!
Posted by: kovoor36 | 2005.11.17 at 08:33 AM
i'll never get back to where i belong, if i don't leave it properly first.
I think this insight is brilliant++
I'm thinking of you. (You know I don't always ask about things b/c I think people should be allowed to deal with things in their own way.)
Posted by: maisnon | 2005.11.17 at 01:16 PM
There is a saying a common saying that resonates in my family. "For every door that closes, another opens up".
I hope the next door that opens will fill your live with more happiness and peace.
My thoughts are with Veena & your mom. A prayer is sent your way.
Posted by: livinsimplee | 2005.11.17 at 03:07 PM
i hate giving up. i hate not getting my way. but i must and i won't.
Only for now. I really believe that. *hug*
Posted by: brimful | 2005.11.17 at 03:56 PM
ANNA,
I know I've been exceedingly remiss in commenting, deeply sorry but I am sending my best wishes your way.
-Devs
Posted by: devina | 2005.11.22 at 07:15 AM
Anna, given that this weekened is thanksgiving and all, are there plans of posting the topic for the 55's a little early ?
Posted by: The Desi Nole | 2005.11.22 at 09:00 AM