Asked and answered, counselor

Anna I have wondered this since I started reading your blog ....

Why, why, why are you single?  It does not make any sense to me.  How can such a breathtakingly beautiful, intelligent, interesting, creative, curious, amazing person such as yourself be single?

And really this is just an excuse, a lead-in, to asking, what is it that you are looking for in a guy?

And, for example, in reference to your latest blog post, what are your views on non-brown-guy dating, and/or, if I may be so bold, have you had negative experiences in the past that have seemingly turned you off to this?

The curiosity, quite literally, is killing me.

-GP

I have no idea why I'm single, other than the sad fact that underneath my clothes, my entire body is covered in scales. 

I suppose it's actually b/c I haven't found someone...yet.  Maybe b/c the Baby Jesus hates me??  That's my explanation for everything else nasty which has clobbered me lately.

These days, I wonder if I'll ever find him; 2006 is the year I started seriously thinking I wouldn't (and not rabidly freaking out about it).  I've only had Indian boyfriends, but that's not because of some traumatic experience which eternally haunts me, thus preventing me from ever stating, "I don't discriminate-- I regulate EVERY shade of that".

I dated two non-browns once.  One was Persian, the other (whom I mistook for a Punjabi) was Palestinian.  Both...practically brown, really. It's not like I ogled a Swede or something.  I do realize, with some weirdness, that since I am officially geriatric according to brown marriage standards, the chances of me ending up with an unbrown guy skyrocket with every passing month spent single. 

Assuming of course, that I ever date one...

More soon, if you're unlucky,

Anna

p.s.  that was a ridiculous list of adjectives you generously bestowed upon me in that 2nd paragraph of yours there...thank you.  every girl should have someone in her life to say such things to her, when she's blue.

Comments

[GregP]

Hmmm ... at the very least, it certainly sounds like this 'GP' is one hell of a person.

[Ani]

That was a very nice comment and I'm sure well deserved.

[Joe Grossberg]

Why are you so concerned about dating? You're young. Go out there and get some booty -- brown or otherwise. You've been though a lot of stress lately and you're entitled to some fun. :)

[Janeofalltrades]

Like you I've always dated brown boys mostly. Not because I dislike or have had bad experiences with white men but I simply feel whole and real being with someone brown. The need to connect to the culture at the core of it all is what's important to me.

I've had girlfriends say things to me like "maybe you should consider non Indian men" as if to say "well you aren't finding someone brown so you should give up and do what you really don't want to because you really should settle".

I think not. I'm fine being single even if I have lonely days. I will take that over being with someone I would "settle" for **shudder** any day! If I'm not willing to be someone's consolation prize why would I want one myself?

There is someone out there for you ANNA you just haven't crossed paths yet. He will see you and accept you for who you are, scales and all :-) Hope on sister.

[Rani]

hmm...

its hard to date a non/un brown, but i don't think being open to that possibility does not mean that you are settling since you didn't find the brown man of your dreams ...

but you will find that dream guy one day, i am just saying that you might be surprised when you find him

[Rani]

whoops!

*possibility means that you

[Mike B.]

I have often wondered the same thing as GP, but didn't have the courage to ask. Nor the ability to ask in such an articulate manner. However, I think it's kind of refreshing that a hot commodity such as yourself doesn't feel blind compulsion to get attached for the sake of it. I do hope you see some action now and again, though.

You remind us by your actions (and with your photos and thoughts) that it just might make sense to hold out for something really special. And to be satisfied with nothing less.

[Roonie]

You are wonderful - and THAT is why you are still single! Too wonderful to tie down just yet!

[chaitan]

your being single definitely improves the hits on your blog from bored single brown stalkers like myself. so may be you are single for your blog? :p

[KXB]

Actually, some of what you've written over at Sepiamutiny gives an insight. As an attractive woman, you attract all types of men, and a disproportionate share of uncouth ones. The harassment by strangers may make you hesitant about men's intentions.

Second, are you set on a south Indian Christian? That's a small subset of a widely dispersed population.

But what do I know? My approach is "Baby, you've tried the best. Now try the rest."

[chaderology]

what's wrong with ogling a swede? and if he were a doctor too!!!! (be still the pitter patter of my heart... uhm, i mean YOUR heart... oh, i guess that illustrates the problem with doctors)

[badmash]

I think that the adjectives were quite appropriate :p

[nina]

agreed abt the adjectives! and what is wrong with a non-indian? i mena i know i am marrying one but my sister i know is more thna likely never doingthta and the rest of the family isat peace with that. love is hard to find, period. no point to put restrictions on it!

[Chacko]

It's hard to find Syrian Christain women who have married outside. I know of just five (including Arundhati Roy and her mother).

[titusmaximus]

talking about finding the right person, try being brown in your late twenties in a midwestern engineering school where guys outnumber girls in any social setting by at least 4:1... makes me wish i was gay