Thank you, Sibil, Nina, #25 and Chaitan. I really needed you.
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Four hours of crying on and off = no more kleenex. I don't know Minal, but I can't stop thinking about her. She could have been any of you-- she was the same age as a few of you. She reminded me of some of you. She reminded me of Veena. I think that's why I wrote her obituary, though I want to vomit a little by terming it as such.
I spent most of the day numbly trying to be productive. Yes, monitoring the threads kept me mired in the massacre but i was almost glad for the awareness of it. I want to think of the lost; I want to remember. I want to pay my respects in some tiny way.
It was surreal sometimes; people would walk up and announce inane things to me (issues with parking...annoying developments after a meeting) and part of me would just stare at them in wonder, thinking..."32 people died. Someone was so troubled they caused this. And what will happen to his family...etc". Yes, life goes on. It can't stop for tragedies. But somehow, it feels weird to me that it doesn't.
::
I feel like having a meetup. I feel like eating pani puri, in memory of her. I'd think about it more, but I have a ridiculously early meeting, need to go to bed. I need sleep for many reasons. I hate this type of exhaustion, because it only comes at tumultuous, weepy times like this. Tonight, I'm sleeping with my tortoise.
anytime!! im glad you realize we are right;) keep on keeping on.... thats all any of us can do!! i have to get back to a ridiculously long spreadsheet myself so good luck with your meeting!
Posted by: nina | 2007.04.18 at 06:42 AM
Anna,
I understand how you feel about Veena. There are times when I have seen a movie, or hear a story on the news and I get seriously choked up or angry, or both.
Especially lives snuffed out at their start.
Even thinking about it and typing this just that sent a series of sobs down my chest...
Posted by: Maurice Reeves | 2007.04.18 at 06:56 AM
Looks like it has been another tough day at SM. Hope you are holding up. Stand tall and stand tough A N N A!
Posted by: Chaitan | 2007.04.18 at 07:35 PM