A N N A J O H N ' S D I A R Y

On sparkle, hearts, and being Elle

Perhaps it's because my birthday just passed, but today my thoughts turned to shiny, sparkly, pretty things...like gems. No, I'm not engaged or even close to it (despite what will be six years of togetherness this April), I was pondering an old pair of earrings I had misplaced and recently found. They're enormous, heart-shaped CZs I purchased immediately after watching "Legally Blonde", a movie that was about MY sorority (Delta Nu is Delta Gamma, duh), which led to a now-retired nickname for me: "Elle". Except mine was "L", the first letter in my "pet name/house name/what my mother calls me". Sigh. Now I have to explain pet names for the white people. ;)

So, in Malayalee Christian culture (AFAIK), it's common to name your children for your parents. There's even a system or order to it. Your first girl gets her paternal grandmother's name, your next girl gets the maternal grandma's. Same for sons and grandparents. "Anna" is my paternal grandmother's first name. "Susan" belonged to my maternal Ammachi until they bestowed it on my little sister, Veena. She was Veena her whole life and then at some point in adulthood, she decided to go by "Susan", a name which doesn't even MATCH the constellation of lovely things that make up who she is...don't worry-- I don't think "Anna" is super awesome either, but I do like it a shit ton more than "Susan". I'm fond of palindromes, you see. Also, the Greek Orthodox church (to which I belong!) mentions "the holy and righteous ancestors of Christ, Joachim and Anna" during services. Anna wasn't just *my* Grandma's name, she was Jesus' Grandmother, too! 

I hope this isn't what the rest of my year will be like.

Today is my birthday.

It started in the loveliest way: with my favorite brunch. I had TWO bruleed grapefruits and four mini-deserts. I starved myself before going so I could eat everything, and that's exactly what I did.

Then, the plan was to go to a movie with our respective food babies. There's a theater across from Farmers, Fishers, and Bakers in Georgetown, so this would be logical and convenient. A chill way to spend a special day. We waddled over and realized there was nothing either of us really wanted to see. :( Damn it. So we dithered for a while and finally settled (SETTLED) for "American Hustle", even though G can only tolerate J-Law when she's playing Katniss Everdeen and I had to talk myself into it by reminding myself it had one of my favorite actors in it (Christian Bale, who is exactly one year older than me). So...yeah. We really didn't want to see it.

It was okay. 

Welcome Back, Diary Fans!

It's January 1 and I just finished a gluttonous, epic brunch at my FAVORITE restaurant: Farmers, Fishers, and Bakers in Georgetown. I like their AYCE brunch so much, I'm planning on going back in three days to celebrate my birthday with it! See, they have these bruleed grapefruits and...

First time blogging here since November of 2008 and I'm already digressing. 

Bet you didn't miss THAT, did you? I was famous for it. That and parentheses-abuse.

But back to le blog. I'm touched by how many of you have reached out over the past five years and inquired about the future of AJD. Thank you for reading, commenting, and caring.

Each of the FIVE sites in my "online empire"-- as I once arrogantly called it-- had different constituents. My fotolog was popular with close friends and, well, random men, back in 2003, when the word "selfie" hadn't been coined yet but I was doing it, almost daily. I was in the best shape of my life from working out six days a week and playing indoor soccer four days a week, so I was brazen and confident enough to post pictures of myself running around sunny Northern CA-- though that fotolog actually had a *purpose* believe it or not...it was intended for my east coast friends who didn't want to read THIS site because they preferred fun pictures. Oh, Fotolog. You were Instagram before there was an Insta and you fucking squandered that massive lead you had. You must hate yourself!

My original, "main" blog HERstory was for memoir-esque essays and serious fare, not recounting the desultory delights of my day. I was doing "What's in my purse?"-shots long before People or US magazine asked celebs to do it (and WIMP had RABID fans...I shit you not. I'm shocked when I marvel at that, ten years after the fact). Then there was Sepia Mutiny, a.k.a.the greatest thing I've ever done with my life...that was all South Asian American issues and perspectives, all the time. And finally, there was this space. Inspired by Bridget Jones' Diary, I even used to start my blog posts the way she did, with numbers and stats. This was the "truest" blog I had, in that it fit the stereotype of blogs consisting of navel-gazing self indulgence. This space was for the mundane, daily stuff, fluff, and fun. And it had its own audience whom I treasured. I know you've all drifted away, but I wanted to tell you how much it meant to me that you took the time to read my rambling. And that it's...well...back.

That's right, one of my New Year's resolutions is to resurrect this blog (a resolution I've had since 2010, truth be told). That and the usual ones I never accomplish: lose 50 lbs (no. really), spend more time creating art either in my art journal or with paint and a canvas, work out a minimum of three times/week, create a daily writing habit, FINISH MY FUCKING BOOK, write "thank you" notes more promptly, be more punctual, etcetera ad nauseum. But yeah. Here we are. I'm doing it, aren't I? As of right now, this blog, like the heat, is ON.

Why did it go away, you ask? There are three reasons:

1) Um, twitter. It's where I am EVERY DAY and that's been true since...2007?

2) 2008 was a huge year for me (this blog was shuttered in November of that year, though I posted sporadically a few times after); I met my current partner and was in lurve...and happy. It's sad, but I write more when I'm UNhappy, just like some fucking cliche.

3) That and the stalker-ish internet trolls frightened me into silence when they followed me home from work, followed me to his house, published both locations on a hate site (Unsuitablegirl...can you believe that shit?), and otherwise intimidated me into pushing my computer away. 

My writing has never been the same.

And that makes me seethe, that these assholes could alter the course of my life so completely, but I was terrified for my safety and he was stunned and disturbed by his sudden inclusion in the hate fest. I didn't want to lose him-- not that that was even a possibility. He didn't blame me for that shit show, he just wanted it to fucking be over already...and the surest way to achieve that was to walk away.

But that was SIX YEARS AGO. And while I'm still dating Panda, the evil people have fucked right off to go kick puppies, snatch candy from babies, and torment other people they don't know in real life. It finally feels like I could come here again, and not hate myself for stupidly laying myself bare on a page. I miss my nightly routine of writing a post about my day, and I miss the process of recording memories.

I miss this.

So, hello world. Now the only thing stopping me from updating my Diary is sheer laziness, which I totally should make a resolution about... I'm not promising I'll write every day, especially not at first, but I am committed to having something in each month's archive, so I WILL be here, even if it's not frequent, initially. Feel free to follow along, comment away, and otherwise join in the chant.

So, welcome...back? Yes. Welcome back to all my readers, friends, and randoms. I've missed you!