A N N A J O H N ' S D I A R Y

Everything is okay with the spay.

Okay, so I just picked up the Frenchie and she is out of it, but otherwise in excellent shape. Whew.

She has sutures in her little nose (my dog had a nose job!) and a new scar where her womb used to be, but everything else is the way it was 48 hours ago. 

I'm so relieved she's been spayed. I wish I could have done it earlier but there were a few issues preventing it (be ye not like me! spay and neuter your pets!!). First of all, we stupidly promised our breeder we'd wait an entire year to do it (and let her have one heat, so she could "bloom"...which was actually split in to TWO heats and both ordeals were fucking miserable for all of us. it's called a "split heat". joy.). We didn't know any better...we've waited for a puppy from Fantasia for FOUR YEARS. And this was a show-quality dog with a champion pedigree and a price tag to match. She is actually the most expensive thing I own. The point is, our other dog came to us spayed at eight weeks because the Washington Humane Society doesn't release animals without cutting them. We've never even had to consider a spay before. The rescue dog came that way. But this? This was our first purebred.

Morning Creeps Towards Us, and I Dread it.

In five (sure to be sleepless) hours, I will drop off my beloved little bat-frog-pig-dog for a triple set of surgeries. She is getting spayed and while they do that, they're fixing her nares (nostrils) and soft palate, too. I know these are routine procedures for bulldogs, but I am anxious about all the things that could go wrong.

What if there's a problem with anesthesia because of her flat face?

What if I picked the wrong hospital?

What if the doctor isn't experienced with brachycephalic dogs?

What if they forget to give her her eye medicine four times a day?

and worst of all:

What if they lose her (I know of another frenchie who died during this operation)?

Tomorow I will take her to the hospital, spend 20 minutes in a coonsultation with the vet, then leave before they slice and dice her. Then she will stay there so they can manage her pain in the afternoon/keep her overnight for observation.

The prospect of an entire day without my polar bear, my animated marshmallow, my obstinate little tom boy (who'd rather fight than snuggle) fills me with a bizarre mixture of dread and sadness. I know, people who are not obsessed with dogs will read all of this and think I'm crazy. Well, you are technically correct. I am crazy. But I also love this puppy and worry about her constantly. I wanted a French bulldog for five years before they put her in my arms on January 9, 2013. I waited for four years to get one from an ethical breeder who only has a handful of puppies a year. She is very precious to me. I know, if I waited for her for years, I can wait a day. If only it were "just" a day. Sure, it will be 24 hours, but those hours will be filled with medical instruments, pain, and risk. And besides, this is my diary. I get to write about exactly what I'm feeling, with no obligation to make it interesting or palatable. HERstory is where I write for others. Here? I write for myself. 

Oh, my Lorde

So I know I'm several months tardy to the Kiwi party, but I just listened to Pure Heroine in its entirety and I like it. A lot. It all started with NPR, I can't remember which program, but one of them played part of "Team" and I thought, "oh. this is what the hype is about...". It piqued my interest enough that I did something I never do-- I searched for her album on YouTube and listened to the whole thing that way at an obscene volume. I know. I am approximately 94 years old because I never use YouTube. My loss, you guise.

Anyway, back to the almighty Lorde: I had the temerity (or stupidity) to mention my enthusiastic response to her album to Panda and he asked what the first song I'd heard was, since he usually thinks I have GREAT taste in music. I played "Team" for him and we weren't even into the second stanza before he looked like he'd just sucked on a lemon. He turned it off. 

"Are you kidding me? This trite shit? 'We're on each others' team'? 'We live in cities you'll never see on screen'? I can't believe this chick is as huge as she is. She's all hype, no substance. Those lyrics are the worst."