So in my last post, I bemoaned my apparent inability to participate in Lent. I felt truly awful about myself and that feeling has persisted over the last three weeks-- hence no posting. I don't know how the two got connected in my mind, but they did. Ugh.
Today I realized that the only thing stopping me from "starting" Lent was myself. Sure, we're 20 days in, but who gives a shit? What if I set that intention right now and fast until Easter. Shouldn't that count for something? In my case it almost counts for more because I'm typically super-defeatist and it's nearly impossible for me to forgive myself and give something a second (or third. or fifth) shot. But I've been thinking about this and I want to do Lent. I want to struggle and sacrifice and reflect on my choices. And the only thing stopping me is this stupid idea that I somehow missed the fasting train.
Fuck. that. shit.
I know, I'm cursing in a Lent post, but give me a second and I'll explain. I decided that Gd is probably a "better late than never"-sort of deity, based on the parable of the prodigal son. That's me! Prodigal! If only I were a prodigy. ANYWAY, I think Gd will still love it if I start fasting now, three weeks in, so that's what I'm going to do. Here's what I'm giving up:
1) Most foods, especially everything sugary and fatty since both of those make me happy. I once asked my priest what he eats during Lent and he said, "Rice and steamed vegetables." See, we're not allowed to have dairy or meat AND we're not supposed to use olive oil (hey, I'm Greek Orthodox). So my diet will primarily be fruits, veggies, and protein. A different priest was drafted by my mother to tell me to eat protein because one Lent, I went vegan and got sick. So my compromise is that I'll eat non-fat cottage cheese (ewwwww. I. HATE. cottage cheese.) and drink protein shakes so that I'm getting a little bit of that building block every day.
2) Rather than give up cursing, I'm going to give up something trashy that I REALLY love: reality television. Ow, it hurts already.
3) Finally, since Game of Thrones is my FAVORITE THING IN LIFE, I'm giving that up. The new season starts soon and I'll miss the first two episodes. I can't think of anything I love more, that I should give up. It's almost Catholic in a way, kind of..."I love chocolate/soap operas/the internet more than anything so I'm giving it up!"
Of course, I'll try to "fast" from anger and impatience, too. There's no point in doing all this if you're going to still feel rage. At least that's what my mom says. On to self-denial!
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