A N N A J O H N ' S D I A R Y

The waiting...

...is the hardest part.  Encouraging words from one job I interviewed for twice last week, a thank you sent to the job I chased yesterday...but no news for all of you unbelievably kind souls who watch and worry.  Some of you have sent me the sweetest text messages, with such exquisitely perfect timing, I wonder if you're omniscient.  The biggest monkey wrench: background checks, which are to be expected. 

I'm trying not to worry.  There's nothing else I could be doing right now, except mindfully acknowledging my anxiety and letting it flow right through me.  THAT is more difficult than the aforementioned waiting.

Oh, That Hurts.

I just spent hours writing a ridiculous, passionate, link-laden post about CNN, Sepia Mutiny and whether or not "we matter"...and then for the first time in the 18 months that I've owned it, my iBook crashed.  That's not supposed to happen.

I lost everything.  It was such a long post.  It is gone. 

This is the worst, emptiest sort of feeling.  I was shaking with anger when I got home, after what happened.  It took me almost two hours to calm down and write in the first place.  And then this happens.  And losing something you've worked on is bad enough, but the insidioius fear that something (which with my luck, wouldn't be covered by applecare) might happen to my baby, my lifeline, my mac?  oh, that's untenable.  I communicate, I look for jobs, I manage my life, I exist b/c of this bit of glossy white important in my lap.  :(

Fourth Time is a Charm

if at first..., originally uploaded by suitablegirl.

...i hope.  the first time i attempted NaNoWriMo was in 2003, the year i commenced blogging.

i'm stupidly re-convincing myself that i can actually do this once again, not that THAT is difficult-- it's the holidays and delusion comes easier to me 'round now.

so, the goal is to write a 50,000 word...novel...in one month, that month being november.  i've hit anywhere from 7,000 - 20,000 words during previous attempts, but i have never reached that magical 50,000 mark...yet.

unlike other years, after the last few weeks, i'm suddenly deluged with...um..."material".  yeah, THAT'S what we'll call it.  plot is only part of the challenge though; the only way to get through the month with a book of your own at the end is to let go.  non-newsflash: i suck at that. 

doing this odd, arduous and potentially exhilarating activity requires that you can't polish or edit or fret while writing.  dude, that's ALL i do.  apparently, you just have to keep pounding away at a keyboard, b/c the focus is on quantity over quality.  that strategery is anathema to me, but, i also am aware that sometimes it's possible to do the impossible if the end result is worth it.  having typed that, check with me in december to see if i still feel this way about writing, novels and months. ;)

Office Hours...

...might be held (one last time!) on Monday...get in touch (via mobile, please) if you want to see your naughty TA. ;)  I'll give you some extra credit or whatever innuendo should go after that visual.  :D  To Greco, minnows, to Greco!

Poor, But Perfumed, Well-fed and Well-read

And ye shall receive. Again. A list of Whole Foods purchases from my shame-spiral-inducing past week:

- Upper Crust Sourdough Wheat Pecan Raisin Bread

- All-butter Pound Cake (wasn't for me)

- Roasted Garlic Bread

- Croissant Bread Pudding Slice

- TAZO Iced Tea: Passion Potion

- TAZO Iced Tea: Giant Peach

- Stomping Grounds Espresso Concentrate

- TAZO Chai Latte Concentrate

- Naked Juice "Blue Machine"

- Frozen Organic Mangoes

- Frozen BerryMedley

- Frozen Edamame

- Taj Frozen Dinner: Rajmah

- Lesser Evil Popcorn (adult crackerjacks)

- Sushi: Spicy Tuna Rolls (SO NOT FOR ME!!)

- Kiss My Face Liquid Soap: Pear

- Alba Botanicals Body Bath: Honey Mango

- Burt's Bees Farmers Lip "Blam": Strawberry

- Better Botanicals Rose Tulsi Toner

- Bouquet of Organic, Cream-colored, green-twinged Roses

- Vogue (couldn't resist Evangelist-a)

- Ms.

- New York Post

- Sunday Washington Post

pWn3d by Whole Foods

...title corrected, thanks to a gracious assist from a helpful Yeti. :)

And Ye Shall Receive

  In traffic, in the car, via my cellphone, so it's not the ideal photograph at all, but it's the only one I have. If you click it, it will enlarge.  Speaking of, I'm so glad I used that pore-refining shit. ;)

So, FINALLY, I have bangs.  That I like.  I've asked for them for years and always been denied.  I wish you guys could see the back or how the right side is angled, but close enough. 

Besides, detail = arrogance. ;)

A few hours ago...

"what do you think?"

"it's...nice..."

"but?"

"i like you in teals, like strong blues.  oh, and purple.  you look so good in purple."

"i've been wearing a lot of purple lately.  as for this shade of pink...my mom would LOVE me in it."

"it's not bad, i just think...you could look better in something else."

"such diplomacy."

"you know that scarf you're always wearing?"

"scarf?  you mean-"

"the chunky one.  it's lilac. i like that on you.  you look really good in that color...good job."

"i didn't pick it out, actually."

"oh, it was a gift?  fine, they have good taste then."

"it was an extraordinary gift. and they have good everything."

birthdays and dinners and parties, oh my!

okay, kids.  two things need to be firmed up, for two different dates in two different cities.  i already bought outfits so this shit IS going down. ;)

1)  end of january-- my birthday, guest starring brimful!  i see a dinner at DC's hippest new brown bistro.  the food is EXCELLENT and the mood is just as good.  who's free?  an evite goes out soon!  brimful, what date would be best for you?

2) feb 11th-- FLOG MEETUP II: Electric Boogaloo.  cookie can't do the 4th, nina may not be able to do the 4th, shirley didn't say anything about the 11th...so i'm not sure if the 11th is doable for either nina or shirley, but it's the preferred date right now. scorps is right, since little nik aka cookie aka cookums missed the last night of puke-discreetly-in-a-chic-bath-and-head-right-out-for-more debauchery, we HAVE to make sure this night revolves around her convenience; it's the least we can do for one of the three birthday girls, nina and i being the others. :)

in the comments, leave your availability and questions.  i see a spring meetup for girls who are ILL and OK, so keep that in mind.  you too, slazzy.

I wear me out.

I’m okay.
(typed as my chemical romance's retort to that blares in my head)

Everything is at least neutral, if not this side of good. I know I’m one of the lucky ones.

Still.

I need to bury my face in the neck of someone I love.

I want to be sightless for a few blessed minutes as my eyelids are warmed by skin. 

I wish that an emotional seamstress were available for tasks like this, to repair my frayed edges. 

This is why girls stay in lame relationships, for fragile situations just like this, when you really need someone to stroke your hair and murmur soothing consonants and vowels near your left ear. All sins can be overlooked when you are in the vulnerable place where you just need a hug. The idea of losing that “sure thing” causes more of my girlfriends to stay with mediocre boyfriends than anything else. Coulda woulda shoulda but when your day has been shit-tay, knowing that there is someone who’ll hold you later feels like a super power.