HERstory

lucy, you got some 'splaining to do...

feel slightly bad utilising that title b/c my SISTER was "lucy" at rio, i wasn't. ah, mr. gephardt and his random nicknames. anyway, it's what popped in to my addled mind, so the desi arnaz quote stays. please, allow me to get to my point, before i confuse either and all of us any further ;)

if you scroll down this page, you will notice that there are some ch-ch-ch-changes to le blog. i'll start with the newest, funnest and cutest addition; as of a minute ago, "bert" from sesame street was on a little button under "Add me to your Typepad people list..." on the right sidebar. why is ernie's roomie gracing me blog? why to PROTECT you, young americans! (who can tell me what artist is playing on my mind after reading just this paragraph? leave a comment and you'll win...nothing.)

"bert" reminds you of the presence of evil in our world; he is a terror alert! since i am an overgrown kindergartener, what better way for you to know what Mr. Asscroft thinks than to check which sesame street character is smiling benevolently your way, gently chiding you to stockpile bottled water while turning in your muslim neighbours for doing absolutely nothing! :) love it!

so, here's hoping we stay at "bert" or better. elmo always annoyed the shit out of me anyway.

+++

oh, and the other two additions? ah, you don't give a rat's ass about those...there are no pictures or primary colours involved there. ;) one is some intellectual property info that none of you need concern y'selves with, the other is an innacurate counter-- and really, aren't those the *best* kind? i was already at 8000 hits when i installed it, so it's a bit misleading. are you even still reading this? or are you on the website that bert takes you to, giggling yourself silly?

no worries, kiddies. i'm here for your edification and entertainment. can you tell me how to get, how to get to W52nd st? sigh. my apologies. i miss my old apt/city/life...so i'd rather find my way back THERE than to sesame street. ;)

answers to your questions. Fun!

Q: did you cheat on the "tech test" thing? 151 seems awfully high for someone with dial-up.

A: no, i never cheat. never cheated in school, never cheated in college, never cheated in grad school. cheaters blow. read carefully, o ye of little faith-- i have dial-up b/c i'm LAZY not b/c i'm tech-tarded. spank you, drive through.

Q: re: the post "Only G-d can judge me. M0t#3%F^@%3R" and the comments posted by you and Abhi...what if Abhi's ability to fight nakedness was proportional to the amount of clothing you were wearing?

A: this doesn't even make sense. abhi fights the good blogoshperic fight v ignorance, not nudity. he's a red-blooded heterosexual male...i'm sure the LAST thing he wants to fight is nakedness.

Q: re: "A fine Balance"...and the nice guy who wrote you fanmail...on the girlish side of things... did you email the person back? did you 'cash in' on the other guys offer?

A: i did not write the fan back. i didn't cash in on the DJ's offer either...yet. (pending a little blue box with a german surprise inside...)

Q: how old are you?

A: older than you think. in nyc years, i'm *almost* 21! :)

Q: are you really a republican? say it isn't so!

A: i'm a GDI. once upon a time, when anna was an anarchy-craving, rebellious punk in square-toed docs, she reg'd republican to piss off her dad, a die-hard forever dem. i have worked on both sides of the aisle. i left the GOP after what the shrub camp did to my beloved mccain in SC. that was bullshit that made my blood boil. if it makes you feel any better about liking a potential "republican", when i *was* a rep, i was a SAN FRANCISCO republican. talk about an endangered species...well, until THIS year/recall, that is... ;)

Q: I'm curious as to your thoughts on something. You mention that your sister "doesn't date Indian guys". As an AB_D (note there's no "Confused" in there), I'm perplexed at this. Just ask yourself this: how often do you meet a white woman who says "I don't date white guys". It is the exception, not the rule, when you find this. Why do you think this is so much more common among Indians?

A: my sister doesn't date indian guys because the only brown boys who've stepped to her have no motherfucking game. she's not ANTI-BROWN. she does, however, have little patience for judgmental people who are going to disrespect the VERY honourable choice she made to defend your right to ask moronic questions...she's in the U.S. Air Force. i'm excessively proud of her. denigrate her at your peril, lest i eviscerate you. and then blog about it.

as for your actual question, what do i look like? the brown dr. drew? i don't know why indians are retards about this shit? i ALWAYS date brown, and i can remember YEARS of getting dissed in favour of the fair, blonde, white girls. some people have issues. some people have post-colonial hangovers and are consumed by their internalised self-hatred. some people just plain suck. and btw, i think that retards come in all colours; i've seen PLENTY of white women on daytime tv who "don't date white guys". see: ricki, jenny, jerry et al. word. ;)

Q: did you hear that the Pixies may be making a come back? Also, I'm pretty sure they only called him Black Francis in Canada, but what the ell do I know?

A: i've heard these bliss-inducing rumours. and i've heard 'black francis' utilised rampantly in the lower 48.

Q: are you related to the turbanhead guy?

A: sadly, no. since i have always wanted an older brother, i pleaded with him to adopt me, but alas, he already HAS two sisters and no patience for an extra. what, b/c we're malayalee and we blog we must be related??? ;) not that i would mind. as you can see from the sidebar, i sweat BOTH blogs he does.

Q: you have the best taste in music EVER. peter murphy?!?

A: why yes, yes i do. ;) okay so this wasn't really a question...but i felt like including it anyway. thanks wesley for such sweet words. hey, he included some question marks...it counts. :) and i ADORE peter murphy...as soon as i read your email, "cuts you up" commenced blaring in my head and has yet to cease. thanks for THAT! i'll post a comment with a list of what i bought at Tower records today...later.

Q: blogs...fotologs...ever been compared to narcissus?

A: oh echo, of course i have. ;)

Q: is it "herstory" or "her story"?

A: it's actually the former, in honour of the bumper sticker that used to adorn the hoo-ride; "well behaved women rarely make history". i wanted to be a history major, i was an english (creative writing/film) minor, so the nomenclature seemed apposite. some have blog-rolled the latter phrasing, and i am FINE with it. it's MY story and i'm sticking to it (sorry. old SNL is on.) :)

anything else?

Anna is STILL a lucky girl...

because...

- i'm wearing white,old-skool, RunDMC-approved adidas pants to work :) worry not fashionistas, since i left all of my sweatshirts on the right coast, i threw on a slouchy black cashmere sweater to match the black stripes. yummy comfy outfit. love the "casual day until 12/31" rule in effect at my center!

- my legs are throbbing from the lactic acid that exists thanks to my vicious legs workout. every time i get up and i wince, i tell myself what my mom told me when i was a nasty-whiny adolescent punk experiencing growing pains in my legs; "the next time you feel like complaining, remember that a paraplegic would weep with joy to feel such a pain." moms are great for kicking your ass, aren't they?

- the new barrettes i bought are cute not dorky!

- i stumbled upon a GREAT article in the new york times that perfectly illustrates why the BMW 7-series is CRAP! wheeee!

- mom packed my lunch today. :) i know, i know, i'm a spoiled baby. but the best part was realising she unexpectedly threw my favourite achar in to the mix- last year, i got this ridiculously creative idea (happens exactly once a year, kids)...i called my mom and told her to rush to the store, post-thanksgiving and buy cranberries, before they disappeared. then i told her to make achar. "are you mad?" she asked me...i told her that if her grandmother could do it with nellikai (aka gooseberries) than cranberries weren't any bleeding different. "point well taken", she shrugged. the result? a violently spicy, sour, heavenly sort of pickle. and that was in my lunch today. yum. i love it when my instincts are dead-on.

- HERSTORY has been hit 8000 times!

- i finished reading "the namesake". haunting, melancholy-inducing, sweetly sad perfection. i will never make fun of jhumpa again.

- i'm wearing the most AMAZING lip blam ever! it's ayurvedic and tastes like cardamom. :)

- last but certainly not least, a far-away friend made me speechless with his sensitive, deft perception of my recently introspective mood...upon reading my flog, he thoughtfully wrote me a beautiful email full of advice and sweetness, reassurance and support. the biggest reason why i'm STILL a lucky girl is people like you, SM. thank you.

yeesh, maybe i should celebrate EVERY thanksgiving alone with my thoughts if it results in me being this humbly grateful and mindful of my fortunate station in life. :) hope you all bagged bargains galore on black friday-- tell yourself you're helping the economy-- but never forget that the coolest things in life, like an email that lifts someone's mood when they're down, aren't found in any mall. if i was on aim i'd end this with the angel smiley, b/c that's how good i feel right now. :)

Anna is a lucky girl.

what i'm thankful for this year:

1) that i am exactly who i am :)

2) my sister is a bad-ass and my mom defines tolerance. also, my german shepherd is drop dead gorgeous.

3) i live in america, a country that may not be perfect, but is pretty damned close.

4) i have the greatest, most patient, loving, indulgent, loyal friends a kid could want-- eileen, joyce, tommy, bub, deep, ankur, sumit, ari, shmoopie, raj, abhi, sjm, richard, christian, nisha, nisha, amar, harin, samir, dinesh, vinod, sam, fareesh, nishan, preet, samantha, usama, sapna, jessica...and let's not forget the people i'm related to, that i'd be friends with even if i weren't: veena, saji, anju, babi chechi, vinu and kim, aji, ajit, susan... :) i love you ALL. *so* much.

5) my stud genetics ;) okay, okay...my health. i'm in the best shape of my life, and i rub it in egregiously.

6) that i spent my birthday in the greatest city on earth- NYC.

7) my job. i may complain, but i wear diesel and flip-flops, can have any coloured hair i want and piercings or ink galore. that and i have ridiculous benefits. all things i forget when i moan about my schedule or my work...i should remember what it felt like jan-march when i moved back and DIDN'T have a gig.

8) i discovered the bliss that is BLACK and COKE!

9) my broken heart started to mend.

10) my beautiful, sweet, happy, FAT G-dson, the pudgesicle himself, Philip Daniel aka PD.

there's so much more to add...but i need to leave work! check back later, for a kinder, gentler Anna ;)

@>---/-------

it's two hours later, and i'm stuffed-- with spice cake, not whatever you guys ate. :) there's a giant fire sending sparks showering out on to the flame-resistant rug, and i'm tucked in to daddy's armchair. mom's listening to harry connick jr. ("he's cuuuute!"...yeah, ma, i know)...it feels very gemutlich, indeed. so. i shall resume listing :)

11) an ER advert makes me thankful for kaiser...b/c my mom loves her job there and b/c i'm glad i have health insurance when so many people don't. i'm also grateful that parminder nagra is finally putting some brown in to the whitest emergency room in america.

12) i'm thankful for everyone who reads my blog and flogs :) you guys rock. and you allow me to indulge in incessant narcissism daily. so you're very sweet. i'm also VERY thankful for six apart and the three generous guys behind fotolog.net for creating such easy ways for me to be...me. y'all make me seem WAY more tech-savvy than i actually am :)

13) i'm happy that president bush read my mind re: political strategy and spent time with our troops in Iraq. the smartest thing he's ever done in his life. i can almost respect you, mr. bush, b/c you finally did the right thing.

14) i'm grateful to jonathan abrams for friendster- it reconnected me with sjm, samantha, ozelle, byron, kavi, aarti, nisha, ami, aditi, masuma...and so many others. and i haven't even mentioned the people it INTRODUCED me to. so what if it's slower than how people talk in the south. i love it.

15) did i mention that i'm thankful for black and coke? ;) for being so...drinkable. hell yes!

16) i'm thankful for the red rice cooker. it's safe, puts up with brutal use and it's FAST. oh, and it's a ULEV sweetie that gives me up to 38 mpg. gets me to san francisco in 75 minutes AND it's good to mother earth? you deserve a day of thanks just for YOU, red civic.

17) i'm thrilled that i got to go to new york twice and d.c. once in the last ten months :) yay airplanes.

18) i'm thankful that KQED sf bought a station in sacramento so that i can have double the NPR in sac.

19) i'm grateful that i didn't lose anyone close to me this year

20) "jesus inside"...

i could probably go on...but i think i've given you (and more important- ME) a good list of things that make me a very lucky little girl. G-d is great, indeed.

remember, as you read this, that i'm thankful for YOU! you make this list true and my life better.

okay i'll stop being gooey now :)

love,

anna

151...and i'm NOT talking about what i once used to make flaming drinks!!!

i was perusing the links that referred people to my site, and i stumbled upon this fabulous way to waste time at work; it's a quiz that measures how tech-savvy you are. this interested me, because even though...

-i spent my formative years in the peninsula
-i accidentally hacked in to my elementary school's network, system, whatever
-i wrote my first program when i was 8 on my beloved Apple II c/e
-i got my first email addy in '93 or '94
-i was flirting on IRC ten years ago (and dating a suitable ivy doctor i met online soon thereafter!)
-i was the only one in grad school taking notes on my palm (that i hot synced the very next day)

...i don't think of myself as very "savvy" when it comes to all things computer-y. after all, i STILL have dial-up at mom's joint, though this has more to do with my astounding laziness in making appointments for installation than anything luddite-ish. i never backed up my ex-Vaio and i don't own anything that uses bluetooth. i am also still the whore of microsoft, though i think penguins are damned cool.

in other words, i'm your average poli-sci major/sorority cutie who had the worst first web page EVER back in 1998...i feel like if i grew up in chicago or houston (gah! perish the thought!) i wouldn't even know what little i *do* know. it's almost as if my "savvy" came my way via osmosis. i live in nor cal, therefore i tech. please don't misunderstand me-- i'm fervently open to learning everything my significant captain has to teach me. after all, i used "middleware" successfully in a sentence just two days ago; so maybe i shouldn't have been surprised at my score. you see, i'm an "ace". wow. this is better than that award i won LAST november :) as always, leave me a comment with your score, so that i can either gloat or feel humbled. bring it, silicon valley/alley-ites!

really, are you at *all* surprised?

which simpsons character are you? waste your employer's precious time or ignore your significant other by clicking HERE. leave me a comment with your result, so that i may waste *my* employer's precious time and ignore my...um...imaginary significant other. sigh. smart girls never get the guy... ;)

the novel-ty of being a novelist wears off. okay fine, it didn't.

um, NaNoWriMo may be no mo' for this dilettante...the world's most adored sony vaio promptly broke this evening. i have no idea why. i knew my battery was running low, i saw the "overall 10% capacity left" warning, and i wasn't worried. i knew i'd get to charge it in a little while.

so i plugged in the AC and pushed "power"...nothing. checked all the connections to the AC...all fine. tried pressing "power" even harder...nothing. it's just dead. no little lights blinking, no whirring, no bad microsoft music commencing...i think it's really dead! :(

this laptop meant the world to me...my sister gave it to me when i finished grad school, under very unique circumstances that increased my attachment to it. to a ridiculous degree. so. i hereby warn my blog-followers that the novel...may not be possible after all. sorry biju. return the party hats. we won't be needing them on december 1, after all...

tonight a DJ saved my life...

system F aka Ferry Corsten rocks my fucking world. i just saw him at spundae/NV in san francisco...and it was the best night i *ever* spent at a club. he grabbed my hand and kissed me on the forehead randomly and wished me "happy birthday". um, okay, you're two months early, but fuck it, i'll take it. it's so rare to find someone so talented, and so important, who is still humble...but this guy had the biggest smile on his face no matter how many fans approached him for requests-- i know WAY lesser DJs who turn their noses up at such "audience participation". unlike Paul Van Dyk, whom i saw last week, Ferry actually PLAYED live, vs ceremonially setting up his powerbook and hitting a button.

what an amazing night...truly, this is one of those moments when you marvel at the world and think, "i'm so lucky to be me, to be alive." i still have the biggest, dumbest smile on my face. i couldn't stop dancing, no matter how tired or borderline sick i still was. that's the power of the DJ; i've never seen one do a better job of reading their crowd...i don't think anyone could resist the euphoria. he was really *that* good. if you ever have the chance to see him-- GO. and don't bother writing me a thank you note...i KNOW. he rules. :)

Only G-d can judge me. M0t#3%F^@%3R!

"Why do you feel compelled to plaster yourself (aka these rather odd pictures, some them with you in scantily clad outfits) on the Internet like this...have you asked the 'real' you that? Not the you that comes back with harsh, biting comments, but the real you... Do you have such little value for your integrity...

That said - some of your writing is really good."

oy vey, where do i fucking commence with this one?

1) "that said", thank you for liking my writing despite your tatti taste in girly pictures.

2) why do YOU feel compelled to comment on my blog?

3) that is a picture of a possum. and it is FULLY clothed. er, furred. whatever.

4) my, my, my. do not presume that you are so familiar with me, that you can discern that there is a "real" me. fyi, there is no "fake" me. i am a very complicated, dynamic, paradigm-shattering, foul-mouthed, occasionally creative pain in your ass you can't get enough of. do us all a favour and retire your armchair psych. degree- you haven't figured me out. no one has. the "fake me" that returns with harsh, biting comments is very much me. like elizabeth, "i am my father's daughter." you don't know me, or else you'd be fully cognizant of the fact that i am vituperative in person as well-- if not more so. my online persona is scarily close to my flesh one. my mom reads this blog. she lives with me and my potty mouth. if she ain't trippin' who the fcuk are you to do so? you see, i am not a "nice" girl, not by your bullshit definitions. and that thrills me to no end. because living down to your standards would make me contemplate suicide. or heavy drugs. or both.

5) google define "integrity" and it returns with "moral soundness" and "an unbroken...totality". i am not broken, i am complete and as for my moral soundness? G-D knows what transpires in this cold black heart, and he hasn't nailed me with a thunderbolt yet. the communion chalice didn't turn black when i sipped from it last week, and the church is still standing despite my immoral presence within it. seriously, cast aspersions elsewhere. let the anonymous chicken who posts insulting words-- yet is without sin-- cast the first comment or stone, to paraphrase the good book. kiss my church-going ass.

sigh. well. at least i wasn't consumed with boredom at work for ten minutes. fuck you, surf through.

a fine balance.

the universe giveth and the universe taketh away; last night someone posted a comment that bruised my feelings...this morning, a random email soothes the black and blue from my spiritual flesh...to the hater "alteranna" i mutter HA! :)

Well, well, well. A woman who is not afraid to tell it like it is. I am not
looking for anything from you, I just had to let you know that I read every
word you wrote.

My reason for writing you is not to convince you to write me back or try to
convince you that we should get to know each other, and all that jazz. My only
purpose is to say to you that your mother is correct, you are too picky, and
that you should just stay this way, don’t you dare let anyone ever convince you
that you should settle for anything less than what you want.

Most people are so damn afraid of demanding what they want from life and settle
for so much less than what they are capable, so when on very few occasions I do
come across someone like you, I have to stop and applaud.

So here is to you, may you always have all you hope and dream for.

And the wise man warns me
That life is but a dewdrop
On a trembling leaf
For time is short ---- Tagore

- AR