December 1, 2003
i've been to india three times in my bounty-bar of a life. the middle time, it was 1979 and i was still semi-fluent in malayalam, so i found it relatively easy to chatter away with the plethora of relatives i accosted with my parents. my accent, vocabulary and level of expression were all fine, except for *one* small yet ubiquitous situation;
(with apologies in advance for my atrociously phonetic spelling)
random brown relative: ninde perreh entha, kochu? -what is your name-
four-year old me: Anna -Anna-
random brown relative: ithe keto? uvele "ana"! - hear this? she's an elephant! -
four-year old me: *pouts with resignation*
you see (or read, more accurately), as a child, i pronounced my name the normal, western way. i didn't make the connection that the normal, western way meant that i was saying my name like it was the malayalam word for "elephant". 1979 was the year that i became defiantly attached to pachyderms, because i refused to change my pronunciation for anyone. i started brattily replying back, "yes, i AM an elephant!" so. i'm an elephant. apposite, since the first party i registered with and the first presidential campaign i worked on used elephants as their symbol.
since i am a feisty, pain-in-your-ass sort of brown girl, i have had my share of difficulties with brown boys. please do not spam me with bullshit about how a white girl would never blog about her issues with white boys...blah blah blah. if you do, i will not respond to you except to mock and pillory you publicly in my blog or privately over AIM. you have been warned fairly. i can't help it if i'm attracted to big, brown eyes, wavy black hair and cadbury-coloured skin. i don't get on your case for finding jessica simpson attractive! (well, if you're a certain chicago DJ i do...come to think of it, if you're anyone, i do...she's heinously scary looking). but whatever.
i like brown. i'm attracted to brown. so yes, brown is all i date. thus, it logically follows that i only have issues with mean boys who are brown. i have called such annoying, shit-for-brains boys "pigs" (and other much nastier stuff) on many an occasion. some of my college friends may recall me muttering either "cochon" or "cochino" depending on the sitch. so. i found it hilarious when i was surfing one of my favorite, must-read, daily blogs, NRI by Om and i came across this article
The full name of the East Indian pig is Sus indicus, though no one except a punctilious scientific person ever calls him by it...Sus indicus often grows to the length of four feet and eight or ten inches, and reaches the height of three feet, or even forty inches, at the shoulder...He enters upon existence in a striped state; subsequently he becomes brown; when in the prime of life he affects a dingy black color; and when old he is gray and grizzled. At no period can he be honestly called a handsome or a graceful animal......When wounded he is an exceedingly dangerous beast to face on foot...
...The solitary boars are much more dangerous than those whose ferocity has been softened by social intercourse. They are like the solitary “rogue” elephants in their reckless and savage temper, and there is no animal that they will hesitate to attack. It can scarcely be said with truth that a wild boar is a match for an elephant, but it sometimes happens that two of these animals become involved in “a difficulty,” in which case the elephant, after having had his legs badly gashed, usually comes to the conclusion that he is degrading himself by fighting his social inferior, and thereupon limps away...
call me a punctilious scientific person, and call it a day. from now on, any brown boy who vexes me, increases my ire or otherwise gets my cosabella in a twist shall be referred to as "Sus Indicus". her imperial brattiness hath spoken, and now, she shall rest. while she giggles. because way less people know latin v french/spanish. "Sus Indicus". LOVE it. thanks, mr. malik, you're the BEST. :)
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