Anna,
Have you gained weight recently? You look fat in your pictures now. I saw you posted something about that recently, but you said only 7 pounds. Thats a lie right? I mean, of course it is. Its at least 14 pounds. (You have to figure Anna is not going to tell the truth anyway.)
Posted by: Fava | March 29, 2005 08:00 AM
:+:
i may be "fat", but you're ugly.
thanks to your pointless immaturity via-comments-section, the entire world knows how foul you are now. who do you think looks worse?
your drive-by-insulting surprised me and yes, stung a wee bit. i'm human, no matter what you might think of me. but you knew that on some level b/c you knew it would make me recoil a bit to read what you left, and that's why you did it.
don't gloat too hard-- i was more confused than sad or infuriated. i am uncommonly honest with my readers, whom i am trusting enough to let in this space. i readily stated that i had gained weight, thanks to a crew of chefs that my company has thoughtfully retained to keep us happy and productive; it's part of the reason this is one of the top FIFTY companies in the U.S. to work for...i feel lucky to be here and so taken care of, i don't think that my body's natural reaction to strawberry shortcake on steroids or fresh coconut cream cake is anything to be ashamed of. my body works. what a blessing.
thousands of people are starving in refugee camps, thousands more who are children go blind every year b/c of malnutrition and a still larger number than the sum of the heartbreak above perished in december, when a wave of epic proportions came and swept them away, whether they were slender or corpulent. death see no body fat. if someone grim greets me tonight, i assure you that the last thing on my mind will be regret over the mezze and syrah i savoured last night. you bet your rude ass, i'll be grateful that i seized the delicious moment. life is for living, not weigh-ins or calorie-grubbing.
do you need a reality check? i dare say it seems like it. please go volunteer in a pediatric cancer ward, and then maybe your priorities might straighten. i guarantee what you see and experience there will be far more gripping than anything i could write or post.
i don't have hang-ups about my body and i don't need to. i'm amazed by it. last year, when i was severely ill, i weighed 120 lbs. now i weigh 145. there's a pair of diesels i own that fit through all of that. there is skin that touches those jeans that thoughtfully changed to accomodate my body during flux. there are bones that supported me whether i was skeletal or voluptuous. and best of all, there is a soul within that has nothing to do with any tissue, ligament or cell. your body is a miracle, that is my contention. i make it with such conviction b/c i know mine is one, for sure.
my fingers are coordinated enough to type here and here. my eyes can see without any aid. my ears hear music so clearly that really good songs make me cry. my skin does not blemish, no matter what i do to it or eat. my hair is healthy and so long, i feel like i have extensions. my feet balance easily on 3-4" heels that narrow down to unforgiving spikes. my strange little nose can discern things before almost anyone else's and my mouth can tell the difference between the coke that comes in glass vs plastic bottles. have i gained weight? yes. considering the totality of what i've written, so what. i am a lucky, lucky girl.
i don't front. i don't insinuate anything that isn't. i gained seven pounds. i am under NO obligation to relate that information, but i did. you are under no obligation to like or even believe me, but i will not have you come in MY HOUSE and act like an utter jackass. if you think it's more like 17, and hey, you can't expect me to tell the truth about that anyway, why write what you did? you are obviously omniscient and beyond judgment. just nod to yourself smugly about how i'm a liar and you are right and i gained loads of weight and i'm going to lie about it. then get a few more squirts of lotion and your kleenex ready. b/c whether you are rubbing one out to me or the sick thrill of your own unnecessary cruelty, all you are doing is playing yourself.
after my few moments of discomfort, i realised what a boon your insult could be, should i choose to reframe it. nothing like some righteous indignation and a little tupac to make interval training THAT much more effective, later today at the gym.
your callous words are also good for another purpose; it is lent. this is a season of solemn contemplation, forgiveness and spirituality. i will think about what you did and look within to see if i have hurt others similarly. then i will remember this maelstrom of emotion and feel a potent combination of sorrow for potentially inflicting it on another and resolve that i not do it again. i will look outside and see you for who you are-- someone who deserves pity, a cluck of the tongue and no more attention than that (or this).
though i may not be full of warm fuzzies right this second, i will say thank you, for giving me the chance to turn the other cheek in preparation for the resurrection of one who taught that strategy. i am not a fan of yours, and you are obviously not a fan of mine, but if you keep striking me or anyone else, in the end, you only hurt yourself. if non-violence brought down an empire, surely it can dispatch the likes of you.